[Sick of it allParticipant]

What the solocitor said is true…best to build up a relationship even if it is for 2 hours a month.
Unfortunately, if you took her to court, thats probabaly what they would allow you any way, given the age your child will be.

Definitely way better to get advise from a mckenzie friend. I use one and he has been worth his weight in gold. Far cheaper than a solicitor too.

I would carry on with what contact is on offer…until the time is right for you to progress onto having more contact. Definitely worth getting a court order on contact though other wise they can stop contact for any bull shit reason. It costs £215 to apply for a child arrangements order so its not that costly if you represent yourself. Obviously it will be more if you use a mckenzie friend.

[Sick of it allParticipant]

Luke wrong move to say you would bring her back the following day if she is sleeping. That makes it sound like an excuse to bring her back the following day.
Unfortuantely when they say jump, we say how high…to an extent. the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that one day probably towards the end of next year, my twin girls (who are 2) will have the contact they deserve with me and I can take them where ever they would like to go. I keep imaging myself and them walking around peppa pig land.

[Sick of it allParticipant]

A statement from an ex will help you massively….i provided 2 character references from 2 different ex girl friends…the fact that an ex partner agrees to write a glowing statement says alot. My wife cant get one statement from an ex because “they were all abusers” well now i realised she is the real abuser.
If your boss will write you a character statement that will help loads too.
If you remain in your future childs life you can always apply for parental responsibility at a later stage.
You have great mind set man…

[Sick of it allParticipant]

Mr Ben,

Welcome to our world. Your first step is to invite her to mediation to try come to an agreement. If this fails, you will need to get a signed piece of paper from mediation to say that you have tried and failed mediation. That piece of paper you will need to include in your c100 application for a child arrangements which will cost you £215. You send this application the the court.

Be warned, taking her to court will more than likely trigger a barrage of false allegations from her of abuse etc.
You’ll be a lucky one if that doesn’t happen.

After being a hands on father for a year and a half, i now see my girls for 2 hours a fort night. It will be a long slow process until you get over night stays unfortunately…your best advice is to accept it and don’t do any thing to open yourself up to allegations.

[Sick of it allParticipant]

Thank you so much for your awesome reply. I am disgusted with how the system works.
There was an incident where i broke a door in january, but that happened because i opened up a letter that morning to find out my ex had spent thousands of pounds in my name. In which i am still paying back now. My ex lied through her teeth to justify spending that money. I have the letter which i opened up that morning (sent a couple of days before) and proof she spent my money, so im hoping the courts see that i broke a door because of being angry amd upset that i had been financially abused as oppossed to breaking a door because im a violent father.
I have never been arrested or quedtioned by the police for any thing.

Talking about the section 7 report, can you explain to me that process? I am going to have to go through that

[Sick of it allParticipant]

The sad thing is she will get no penalty for making up a load if rubbish.

I said to the court that i accepted the order purely to ease her anxiety and they liked the fact that i did that.

[Sick of it allParticipant]

A non molestation order wont mean any thing later on down the line…especially of there hasnt been any findings. It will only go to a fact findimg if she keeps making an issue out of it

[Sick of it allParticipant]

Perhaps you are better off doing what i did…because if you accept the order upon no findings, it shows the courts that you dont have any intention of doing any thing that she said you have done. That way, if it does go to a fact finding later on down the line…you dont look like you are purely out to prove her a liar…. and makes her look more unstable if she keeps making a big fuss out of the allegations even after there is the protection of a non molestation order.

[Sick of it allParticipant]

I didn’t challenge mine…i accepted it on the basis that no allegations were found and that i do not accept any of the allegations.

I had my first hearing for child arrangements yesterday. She said she wanted me to do a Domestic violence intervention programme, but i declined as I didn’t accept any allegations and there hasn’t been any findings. She basically tried to make me accept there had been DV if i had accepted to do that programme. So now there is another fact finding hearing. But im not worried, im still certain that there will be no DV found on my part. This shows that even if you accept the order on the basis of no findings and you dont accept the allegations, it can still go to a fact finding hearing later down the line. Id say you are better off getting rid of all the allegations as soon as.

Also as she said i have a drink and drug problem (which i dont) and the court didnt order a drink and drug test…i was shocked actually. Not that im worried if it was ordered, but it made me happy that it really pissed her off. My mckenzie friend said that its a sign that the court isnt taking her allegations too seriously.

[Sick of it allParticipant]

Invite her to mediation first. You do not need a solicitor. You best option by far is to apply for a child arrangement order if mediation doesn’t work. The cost of this is £215. In the court hearings always keep the focus on your child and not he said she said.

Its a shit situation but we are all going through it. I have my first contact dispute hearing tomorrow and representing myself but using a mckenzie friend.

If you want good advice, contact a mckenzie friend. They usually give a free 30 min telephone consultation initially and about £60 for an hours phone consultation.

[Sick of it allParticipant]

You really don’t need a solicitor…if you want to fight her allegations, the burden of proof is on her. By all means bring what ever evidence you csn to disprove what ever allegations you have. The risky thing about fighting her allegations is that the family courts give judgements by the balance of probabilities if there is no evidence. It is not unheard of findings of false allegations to be made purely based on balance of probabilities.

Your best bet is to offer an undertaking. However if there is allegations of violence then you won’t be able to. Then your best bet is to accept the order, BUT ask the judge to specifically write on the order “upon no findings and upon the respondant accepting non of the allegations”.

If you don’t want any thing to do with her (and know yourself that you will never breach the order) this is much better than wasting your time disproving her allegations and possibly being found guilty of things that you didn’t do.

It also shows the court that you don’t care about the fact that you aren’t allowed to harrass her.

[Sick of it allParticipant]

No I’m seeing a private counsellor, not too expensive though I paid £150 For 6 sessions

[Sick of it allParticipant]

Counselling will help, it has helped me for sure. You are doing every thing right by taking her to court and you will get to see them.

[Sick of it allParticipant]

Razza stay strong man we have to for our children. One day the truth will show itself and show that you love your girls with every thing you have. What you should do (I have done this and it helps me feel happy) open up an email account and email your girls every week. One day you can give them the password to the account and they will see how much you loved them through out their life.

[Sick of it allParticipant]

Razza what a living nightmare man I can’t imagine what it must feel like not seeing your girls for 6 months. My heart is broken hearing your story. I went a couple of months with out seeing my girls and it was the hardest time of my life.

I think another reason my wife kicked me out and made up a load of bull shit about me is that she thought she would be better off financially with out me with all the benefits she could claim.
How wrong she was. She wanted me to pay all of her rent, half the nursery fees so she could go back to work and applied to CMS. I had to pay half the rent as we were joint tenants, paid maintenance but no nursery fees. Then she said that was financial abuse…

These woman who make us jump through fire hoops for no valid reason other than revenge or spite are narcissists. But don’t dare say that word in court because then you look like the narcissist. It is absolutely disgusting and the worst position any one can be in.

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