[Tom LondonParticipant]

Matt and Jolly Stanesby would be the people to advise on how to stage an effective protests. I am happy to go anywhere within 2 hours commute of London.

Peterborough is good for me as that is where the cafcass officers working on my kids in Cambridge were mostly working out of.

The Bloomsbury HQ, I have been briefly inside for interviews with other government agencies. It would draw much more attention as the area is busy and has all manner of other government bodies working out of. It could potentially cause far more embarrassment.

We really need some legal advisor on hand as chances are the police will cite breach of the peace or hit us with a dispersal order fairly early on.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

There are companies that will do people searches for you online. You claim the ex is a debtor for services you provided and they will give you her address so that you can pursue her through the courts for money owed.

Once you have her address it should narrow down the search for schools. Write to them explaining you have parental responsibility and need updates.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

No chance of going Limited? It honestly takes so much stress off your back. My ex was obviously told much the same. Get him out of the home, restrict contact, pursue with the CMS.

She paid out 10,000s in legal fees and has only got the minimum child support payment back over 7 years. She is easily 100k down on where she would be if she had decided to play nicely and the kids as they hit adulthood will grow to hate what she has done.

I still remember the look on exes face and the mother inlaws. They had come back from solicitors and informed me that they could take the children from me. They thought I would just roll over and allow them to extort money from me.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

Scummy Mummies. They are everywhere. Trying to cash in on their children by reducing contact.

Not much you can do. The CMS never listen to reason and they have the powers to take money direct from your employer or bank and have you imprisoned.

Limited company is one route. Typically the CMS only look at salary so if you start your own company and use mostly dividend payments you come in at a much lower calculation and scummy mummy loses out on financial reward for poor behaviour

[Tom LondonParticipant]

I am free this Friday. Peterborough or Milton Keynes?

[Tom LondonParticipant]

Great account of your struggle. It is good to document this kind of abuse. More people need to be made aware of the culture of lying and false claims of dv and abuse that have reduced the family courts to a joke.

The current system is so rigged against non resident parents that I would hate to give you too much false optimism. Try where possible to keep costs down. I was always told not to mudsling and focus on what you bring to your childs life. Try to remain positive and upbeat in front of the judge. The DV stuff will pass. If the police fail to prosecute and acknowledge it is bullshit then you are sound. These days they prosecute on the slightest grounds so you would have been charged if they even thought there was an ounce of truth.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

https://www.whatdotheyknow.com/body/cafcass

Shocking. Some people really have it in for Cafcass. 430 Freedom of information requests.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

The courts see it every time but those allegations of domestic violence are a winner for women every time. The male gender are all grouped together and the slightest allegation or hint of DV and you are immediately presumed guilty. The message that has been instilled into to us all for the past 50 years is that men are killers, abusers and controllers. Cafcass buy into this worldview and the courts sadly are swayed by the cafcass reports.

If you want some idea of how our gender is really viewed then go take a look at the mumsnet feminist chat. Women hate our gender. If any sister speaks out against a man then she has to be believed even if that means ripping a father out of a child’s life forever.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

Sounds like another child abduction but if your ex is the resident parent then the police and courts will be of little use. Nobody can tell you the address or school she is now at. To do so would put the child and mother at risk.

You would need to drag your ex to court. Tough when you have no address. Then all your ex needs to do is make out like she is afraid of you and the courts will refuse to let you know her new address.

I used an online people finder to locate my children. As a company director I claimed my ex owed me money (well in theory that is true), paid the fee and they came back with an address after the courts refused to let me know. Turned out she had bought a 500k house without a mortgage and did not want me knowing that her parents were throwing money her way when we still have no financial settlement.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

Don’t give money to solicitors. Use wikivorce for free info and guidance and try to do this for as minimal cost as possible. There are good guides here, there is info all across the internet. If everyone stopped paying solicitors tomorrow then this culture of false allegations and using children to gain advantage would cease to be so prevalent.

The more you read up on family law the more you will come to realise it is a scam. There are parents who pay out 100k in legal expenses and the ex will then just ignore court orders.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

Nickyrett, with regards to mental health issues you are really at a disadvantage. Where as society at large is trying to be more as ease with mental illness the family courts and especially Cafcass will use it to batter you and further compound your misery.

If you have been sectioned then gutless Cafcass will be terrified that if anything ever happened in the future that it would come back on them and they would lose their 40k+ a year job.
They will give you supervised contact at best. 1 day a week and maybe only for a few hours to start.

You will have to “play the game”. Jump through the hoops they set out for you and be compliant. They will probably demand a psychiatric evaluation.

It will be a long slog and it will be humiliating and feel like they are out to break you. I have undergone a 3 hour psychiatric evaluation that I passed. No depression, no mental illness, no risk to the children. I also was blackmailed into releasing all medical records which my ex and her legal team then poured over. Thankfully I had been strong post separation and never gone to medical professionals for help with the loss of my children so they had nothing to throw at me.

Barristers and solicitors are vile people who will not hesitate to prey on people with mental illness. Get as much support as you can. Ask your GP and mental health professionals to assist. Having children in your life is often key to your own recovery and motivation to stay in a good frame of mind.

Good luck. Staying on top of mental health issues is the biggest struggle we face

[Tom LondonParticipant]

Family members will often be there in the court building, with the ex until you actually go into the court room in front of the judge. It can lead to tense standoffs. I used to go alone and my ex would show up with an entourage of 5-6 relatives who would have travelled over from France to join her. I kept earphones plugged in and avoided conversation.

What is the point of court? Well sometimes it works. Parents have reached an impasse and somebody in authority needs to apply the law. I have spent too much time waiting for my own case and have watched other people going in and quite often they come out in tears but talking to each other. Sometimes a good judge can with stern words and a telling off stop all the child like warring and get people who were once a couple to work together as parents again. Ultimately every judge wants to be able to resolve conflicts. It is the parasites who work in the family law practices who set out to engineer deep and firmly entrenched disputes where no compromises are offered by either party.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

No advice just sympathy. This is standard procedure for Family Courts. Resident parent can repeatedly push back court dates and the court and cafcass refuse to see the damage this does.

Focus on your new child and try not to let the other mother get to you (which is ultimately why she is withholding contact). Contact with her sibling is going to be a strong argument going forward. Stronger than contact with father.

[Tom LondonParticipant]

I am pretty sure it is a “process server”. They issue court papers and quite often the case cannot go ahead until you are successfully served.

You can try dodging them but they are pretty persistent. They will camp outside your house for days. They are less aggressive than baliffs. I gave one the run around for a week when my ex filed an emergency occupation order to get me out of the family home. Eventually my ex came with the process server and the police and my ex smashed a window and broke into the property to get me served.

It gained me nothing but a few days extra to gather my things

[Tom LondonParticipant]

I refused to meet with Cafcass after they lied and fabricated statements about me. I proved that to the judge, the judge went against their report the first time. Cafcass then submitted the same recommendation a second time with no further fact finding. My ex’s barrister descrived the report as “hollow” but said that the judge could not go against it twice and the judge caved in.

I submitted complaints to Cafcass about the quality/errors contained within both reports (it was shambolic and would not even pass off as GCSE coursework) but of course CAFCASS own internal complaints did nothing.

It is a failing agency. Strapped for cash and just rushing out any old cut and paste job to decide the future of children. It is a criminal waste of tax payers money that the cafcass agents get 40K + and yet most lack even the most basic powers of investigation and ability to remain objective.

It needs to be closed down and a new agency needs to be formed whose workforce are a better reflection of society rather than 90% women and ardent feminists with axes to grind. I have met more male nurses than I have met male Cafcass agents (never had a male cafcass guy yet until I was assigned one for the internal complaint).

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