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October 6, 2018 at 9:46 am in reply to: Why isn't denial of child access a Criminal Offence under Coercive Control Laws #10925
I make a point to tell everyone I have no contact. I want more people to know it is happening too often. The number of people who then go on to tell me they have a friend or family member who is the same or was subjected to supervised contact is far too common an occurrence. Using contact denial as a means to abuse is common place. The family law industry encourage the abuse and nobody can report them through fear of family court reprisals. It is the biggest extortion racket going and MPs just sit quiet. A tax on divorce keeps families together. Men dare not leave unhappy marriages because they will lose children.
October 4, 2018 at 10:09 pm in reply to: Why isn't denial of child access a Criminal Offence under Coercive Control Laws #10920I am eight years into this hell. My ex wife got a non molestation order against me and all I did was take my son out for the day when she left him home alone. I have had no other contact with her outside of court for 8 years. Yet reading the law if I wanted a non mol I would be required to show repeat incidents of harassment. Judges are cowards who care little for applying the law and more about covering their fat arses.
October 1, 2018 at 7:42 am in reply to: Court no show, Refused to be served court papers and Prohibited Steps Order #10913Contact the border agency. You can also contact passport agency asking that the daughters passport is revoked (you may need to lie and say stolen).
Other than that the courts are toothless. They need parents to show in court or be served with court orders. Until the ex is served she is unaware and can do as she pleases.
October 1, 2018 at 7:36 am in reply to: Why isn't denial of child access a Criminal Offence under Coercive Control Laws #10912It probably is a criminal offence but one that the CPS will struggle to prosecute and lack the public/political backing to go after.
There lies the problem that when you go to a police statement to make a complaint that you will have to go with court orders from the family court. The CPS cannot probably use these because of the non disclosure rules surrounding family courts. If they were to use these then it would be in a criminal trial where all evidence is open to the public.
In short, despite it being clearly abuse and meriting a criminal prosecution, I imagine the CPS are too frightened to move on what they deem to be civil matters and risk conflict with family law judges.
Attitudes need to change. At the moment everyone makes excuses or turns a blind eye when children are withheld but they all want to go after controlling men. Contact denial is so widespread but women do not get a hard enough time about it.
I bet women abandoning kids and infidelity are not so easily excused in Spain. Cafcass workers in the UK would make nothing of it and still award full custody to mother and the new man.
Show them payslips, put them in touch with finance to verify your salary.
It makes a huge difference where you work. If you work for yourself through a limited company they often can only see the bare minimum in salary and so only ask for £9 a week.
No chance. It is not means tested. The CMS will lay down the amount they want regardless of how much you need to meet bills.
Good luck. Sounds like you have done everything right. Her taking off and leaving the child in Spain to jump into bed with another married man speaks volumes. Narcissist.
Spain is still a very conservative country. I imagine much of the state aparatus still longs for the days of Franco when they would take children away routinely from people deemed unfit to parent.
Has to be better than the UK where the courts are overrun with social workers who think single mothers regardless of their behaviour make for the best parents post separation.
August 26, 2018 at 9:28 pm in reply to: Advice on Child maintenance as my ex partner has lied to the CMS #10818You know they are hopeless at chasing for arrears? They send initial letters when you do not setup payment but after that they tend to go silent. I read that in some London boroughs 50% of CMS payments are not being collected. They are just snowed under and all the talk is of a massive reorganisation with the Theresa May government not liking the idea of parents having to pay an admin fee.
Sounds like a good induction. Nothing is straight forward with Barristers and solicitors. You can make the best arguments, demonstrate logic and clear thinking and yet they will undo you with simple legalities every time.
People will tell you to keep on fighting but sometimes it is better just to keep your shit together, remain calm and not sling mud. Learn to be Zen like.
My ex 8 years on is still completely psycho. She screamed at me when we met. By comparison, I was calm, happy, healthy and tanned. I walked over to my 8 year old who I have never spent any time with. Told her I loved her and hugged her whilst her mother screamed obscenities at me.
Do whatever you can to recover and regain balance in your life. I have been through similar trauma and come out the other end. My ex is still eaten up by the trauma of court and what she inflicted on the children. I am free of that guilt.
First hearing has been and gone? How did you get on? Short directions hearing. Cafcass report ordered? Did the judge try to persuade one of you to leave the property?
I love the reaction of her parents. No matter how bad a daughter behaves they always rally round. The brute of a man must be the monster.
If you need help or moral support let us know. First few months are tough. I am 8 years into this now and can look back on what you are going through with some clarity now.
August 19, 2018 at 10:08 am in reply to: Child arrangement order – Mother can take child abroad for 1 month? #10776Same old story every time. Resident parent can screw up your plans for school holidays and courts are too weak to chastise them.
I have too many friends who book hoidays, pay £1000+ only for ex to withhold kids at last second.
Nothing you can do. System enables abusers
The police harassment thing is a standard tactic.
I had the police repeatedly sent to my door. They were always very apologetic, told me no further action was being taken but they had to inform me that a complaint had been made.
I questioned them as to how many times this has to happen before they tell the other parent that their actions constitute harassment and wasting police time and they told me it is limitless. They have to be seen to be proactively preventing crime
If she is going to be resident in Poland then I think the Child Maintenance Service will tell her to approach the Polish government agency if she applies for maintenance. The Polish child support will have limited powers to chase you whilst you are working to a UK employer with a UK bank account. You would need to check Polish law as to whether they can seize assets from you in Poland or arrest you if you return to Poland.
If your ex has taken your daughter without consent to Poland and stayed beyond 28 days then that constitutes abduction. What you choose to do in response to that needs you to think ahead. In the short term the courts may order the return of your daughter but as she has a sibling they will try to keep the two together and chances are after a hearing they will allow your ex to go.
I advise treading cautiously. Start by pointing out that Poland is covered by the Hague Agreement and what she has done is illegal. Ask your ex how she intends to support herself and your daughter. Do not immediately cut off payment but let her know that you think your daughter would be better off in the UK. If things escalate and she refuses all compromises then as a last resort cut the money but only if you know your daughter will not suffer as a result.
It is tough. More and more cases like this are happening and UK law still has not caught up with parents kidnapping children. My ex is a French national and the courts see it as her god given right to remove children from UK as she sees fit. My son at 12 is sick of spending 6-7 weeks of his summer holiday shipped out to his grandparents in France. He wants to be at home in England doing school sports and being with friends.
12 is the age that the courts give more weight to the child’s wishes and feelings.
It is all a gamble with judges. Some may genuinely care about doing the right thing by the child/children and others still view them as property.
I am guessing that at the directions hearing the judge may take into account my son’s age and order a CAFCASS report. Previous cafcass reports have never listed my son’s wishes or feelings. Only mothers outright hostility to any contact.
You never know with family law. Judges bend the laws so much
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