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Been there done that. But, I can only give advice and I don’t have the answer for you.
The system is designed to do what the mother wants… so if the mother refuses to let Social or CAFCASS talk to the kids, it can be ordered but its not quick, as mum can delay and delay for ages until it has any teeth. At this point you will be racking up a huge solicitor bill. My ex slowly turned the kids against me and my family so that when I finally did have contact and they did speak to social, their story was much different.
Mums (and solicitors) know that the longer you go without visitation the harder it is to go back to the old routine. So, if mum can deny access for over 6 months, then you have a very slim chance of overnights for while. But, every court is different and mums do change their minds. Court and CAFCASS can say what they want but it is up to the mum ultimately. But be sure, if Social services or CAFCASS write report that damns you – your cooked. Mum will use that against you forever!In my case – the mum moved and after 11 years of court, I slowly received few and few visitation days and eventually lost contact. Then at the most recent court hearings my daughters wrote letters and spoke to the judge saying they did not need a father and will contact me when they are ready.
My daughters are 13 and 15. I have paid maintenance monthly since 2006 and will until they are either in University or turn 20.
Hello and welcome,
Yes, we ALL have been through this and this is the reason for the group. My ex did something similar (11years ago).
My only advice is: as a woman (and I am assuming you are a woman) you have more ability to change the law than men do. Our frivolous attempts, this group included, have changed nothing is over a dozen years. A serious and strong group of women may be the only thing to change what happens to so many children.
Mums with residency can just move without notice, ignore court orders if they feel they have reason to, refuse any visitation and then also claim maintenance until the kids are 20. #cashcow
My advice is to try and keep as much direct contact (facebook, texts, calls) with the kids as you can during this horrible time. make sure they remember who you are and what great people you are – your memory makes a huge difference. Never get your hopes up and always be available if need be. As they get older it may be easier to communicate with the kids directly…
There is only advice and not silver bullet. Every court is different and the system is not your friend. Good luck.
September 1, 2017 at 6:59 am in reply to: Help! First hearing was today, didn't go ahead because mother abroad with no not #8936Ditto.
Solicitors ARE the reason the system has stayed so bad for so long – that and scared politicians. I paid a solicitor over £40,000 before the penny dropped for me.
Don’t make the same mistake I did. I also has the pleasure of communicating directly with my Ex’s solicitor – drove them crazy!!!!Antonia,
The court said you are not allowed ANY contact???? This seems very very odd … you must take any contact, no matter how small. It will pay off down the line.Stuart,
At this stage there is little you can do. Have you started court yet?
This is a difficult time and you need to try and keep contact any way you can. The travel is something you cant change but keeping contact and fighting for visitation is something you must do.As you son gets older it will be easier to reach him. Lets hope you can be part of his life until then…
I agree with Tom. And, don’t expect your ex to adhere to the judges decision. And don’t expect there to be any repercussion if she doesn’t. All courts and judges are different so anything can happen.
August 29, 2017 at 7:02 am in reply to: Help! First hearing was today, didn't go ahead because mother abroad with no not #8926Tom I spot on here.
There is little you can do as the court is reliant on Mum to attend. Also, the fact that she has a solicitor will slow everything down to a stand still.
Court can be draining and cruel. Try and see beyond it – even if you win the mum can still just refuse it’s orders.Good luck to you two and hang in there.
This sounds exactly life my story except I did not have family support like you do. You are lucky in that way.
In the end this is something you will have to settle with her – even if the mediation (and court) think the same thing you do, that does make the situation any easier as she will still have the final say.
Stay strong and always be happy when your with your son. He will remember a happy daddy as he gets older!good luck!
Jim,
Keep as close to them as you can and be ready for them. It may happen quickly! I hope so…Do let us know if you are having a trouble with the schools.
I had the same thoughts and you are running the same gauntlet as so many of us.
There is no rhyme or reason for why mother do this? One thing is for sure, the courts allow it and actually perpetuate it with their lack of balls.
Your parents have a right to see the child too and can start their own mediation… gives you two swings with the bat, huh.Mediation is there to listen and that is pretty much what they are going to do. This system is well geared towards the mother so you will need to stay cool and don’t expect the mediators to take your side. When I was at this stage many years ago, I had no idea what was going to happen.. my ex arrived with 4 or 5 new allegations that I was unprepared for. I have always thought that common sense would prevail. It hasn’t.
August 17, 2017 at 10:24 am in reply to: Help needed!! Is there a form for grandmother's to get access to your child. #8887Danny,
YES. grandparents have right too… I strongly suggest she file with the courts. Your mum will have to go through the same BS that fathers go through but you need to do it.
Well, you need to find out what she wants. My ex was very money minded and everything hinged on cash. It still does…
Jim,
Firstly, it is against the law for the school to refuse you information if you have parental responsibility. If you are still struggling, I will be happy to contact then on your behalf and educate them. Done it a few times for other people…But first you need to find them. I found my girls from googling them in the area they live. The schools often publish awards and other things like that. Cant your son “accidently” tell you where they go to school or at least tell you if they are driven/walk far from home?
Court has advantages and disadvantages. One advantage for me was the knowledge that my kids will know I tried. Court is an evil place that is impotent. But, on the rare occasions my ex wife followed the instructions. We recently had a final hearing and then she disappeared again not following ANY of the judgement. Judges are cowards who work for the devil, in my opinion. just my opinion…
Juts make sure youe kids know you are trying to see them and let the mother hang herself.
Sounds like you are ‘Wagging the Dog’ nicely!
Keep us posted.Justin,
MattS is about right. There is little you can do other than court but that did nothing for me other than give my wife a stage. Kleenex must make a bundle from family court. But, it is your only option.
As for Parental responsibility, you are entitled to School, Doctor and other reports. Don’t be shy in trying to get information…
BTW, parental responsibility does NOT mean your ex has to get you those things. It means you have the right to obtain them yourself.
Keep all records – and hopefully you have some classic voicemails for her or text messages.Good luck. its a long road that must be travelled.
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