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BOOM!
This is one for the books! Well done… is she making plans to observe it?
I really hope this is a sign of things to come.Brilliant!!! Finally a good news story on this site!
good luck
Not necessarily always abuse. But, the system directs the mother to use all the tools in the box to get accepted for legal aid.
I represented myself and it was the best thing I could have ever done. I was able to cross examine my ex directly in court and saved countless ££££ after already spending £65,000 in legal fees withoit the glimmer of visitation.
Then the CSA hit me like a lighting bolt and took another £13,000. I finished paying off my debt in 2014 but I still pay over £600 a month to the CMS.write a letter to the court saying you are to represent your self and fire your lawyer. You can then write to her solicitor ever day if you like. But, keep in mind – the more you ruffle the less likely you will have visitation.
Try and make an agreement with your ex as soon as can (sound easy, I know – but try)Good luck dude! We are with you.
Hey,
Just remember, there is a difference between Family Court allegations and Criminal Court allegations. One is just chitter chatter and really mean nothing if you and the ex agree, the other is quite serious and many bad fathers deserve what they get.One side note to all this: Even after the Yorkshire Ripper was convicted his wife still allowed access and even Rose West had Court appointed visitation with her kids (remembering she actually killed their sister). Both of these have had MORE visitation than I have. What a strange system…
August 7, 2017 at 7:28 am in reply to: Mother kept 4 year old daughter In France! Please Help… #8789I had a male CAFCASS officer, and there are two in Lincoln. They are half-hearted sterile vegans wearing sandals and hoping to mend societies woes one child at a time.
Once got a ridiculous diatribe from one named Andy Stanton about how he really feels like he is making a difference against child poverty with his work at CAFCASS.They are evil uneducated bastards playing god with guess work (male or female).
The Latest CAFCASS worker named Cathy Gissing is more like a scared mouse than a human once said to me “well, court is not always the best option for fathers”. I suggested it was the only option for me as the ex has vanished and calls the police every time I write a letter. She replied “It takes two people to compromise and the mother just isn’t ready”. BTW it had been 11 years since we split…
F**KING JOKE!
Hey,
This is trap all dad fall into. I was talking to a guy the other day (a new dad) who said “what, never, that would not happen in Britain!” Well, I cant wait until his wife finds out the cash cow she is sitting on.Let talk about your arrangement. But, I think the damage is done with what the mum expects.
If you have a family based arrangement then this is what you two go by. Until the mum decides the deal is not good enough… this is the law as it stands.
Prior to 2012, it was the law for parents to contact the CSA to make an assessment. Since the CSA was a huge failure to all concerned the started a new failure called the CMS. They make yearly assessments and expect you to either pay directly or pay them (with a 20% fee).The sad fact is: she can do this and there is little you can do other than make an Family Based Arrangement with her for the money and reach a separate agreement or go to court to see the kids. There is no connection between the two. She CAN deny access for more money – unless you have a court order that specifically says how many overnights you have them and she CAN change the agreement when ever she likes.
You have hit the exact core reason for why F4J exists.
Circuit,
This IS the system.
Sadly, you will probably never be able to start criminal proceedings and the police of civil court will barely recognise it. Been there and tried it. Have the false allegations gone to the police yet? This would be the only way you could get her in civil court but you would need VERY strong evidence. In my case, I had video of her somewhere else at the time she said I hurt her… she was excused because she was a mother and was confused by the divorce. Then months later she had her father pretend he was assaulted by me (I had video of me at a party 100 miles away) but they excused him because of his age. Even after the police being involved twice, I did not have enough evidence to sue for slander or compensation as my character was not “publically” damaged. if they had printed something or announced something, then I would have had a case.Everything I did to get even with my ex was only used against me in trying to see my kids and I am almost crying while I write this. Because I have not seen my girls is 11 years they only believe what they have been told. I must be a monster to them when in actual fact I have been a trusted step-father to three fantastic boys and ready and waiting for them to respond to my contact attempts.
Women’s aid is there to help actual domestic violence cases but has failed in it’s safety for the falsely accused. The whole system has failed the falsely accused and the family court is the worst perpetrator.
Karl,
This may not be what you want to hear… but in actual fact you have it quite good. I was never allowed so much access to my two daughters. You will be an active part of her life and her love for you will grow and grow. Lawyers and Judges have seen this template of “every other weekend and a day in between” as the progressive way forward for fathers.I agree with you – we need to expose this horrible situation. But at the same time… your ex can shut the door on you at anytime, without warning and it will take you months to start court proceedings and litigation to only have a hope of winning.
My daughters have had 11 years of zero father figure and parental alienation. My ex has had 13 years of 1/3 of my salary tax free. I have had 13 years of going in an out of court in three counties only to have EVERY court order refused by my ex.
Sorry for my rant. I’m sure you understand the pain we are all going throw.
Sorry to hear about your situation – it sounds all to familiar with most of us.
At this stage it sounds like Family Court is the answer if she is still refusing visitation. I am curious how social services are involved, are there other larger issues that may also be playing a factor?
Until there is an order, all visitation must be by agreement by the ex wife. And even after a court order there is still wiggle space the size of the grand canyon.
Karl,
Sometimes it is good to rant and let it out. But, stop – slow down and think.
You have made great progress in seeing your daughter. Now don’t let the little things turn into big things and slow the rate of progress. Narcissist, like your daughters nana, like to pretend like they are in charge. You can really start to manipulate this situation to your daughters advantage…In my mind: if the best thing you have to argue about is a dummy, then you are in pretty good shape. Let your rants out and then get back to focussing on having your daughter full time. Even though it may not feel like it, you are quite close to a real and meaningful agreement.
Also, I don’t think the court will care that much about her affair has it might not have anything to do with the ability to parent. You will know best, but my experience is not attack the resident parent to heavily if it does not hurt the child. You will know the situation best.
It may not feel like you have won but actually, your daughter gets to be part of your life – and I would take that any day!
Keep us posted and don’t worry about ranting, we all need to do it sometimes!
Nice! You go girl! lol
Remember to smile when you say things to the judge no matter how crap you feel. This is my only advice left to give.
keep us all posted!
Hey – be careful about mentioning your well being or sanity. I once said that I was feeling stressed by the situation and it only hurt my chances. the system is shit!
We are behind you! Good luck!
These are tough decisions your making! I’ve been there and done the same thing – fair play. Your mum will be an enormous help for sure. My ex would not let my mum see my girls because she might let me see them. Hopefully your ex is not as spiteful and horrible.
Good luck dude! and it does sound like you have thought this through and made the best choice for you.
Keep us posted and let us know if you need anything!
There is something called a “section 91 (14) order” which can prevent you from starting andother preceding for a length of time. I did the same thing as you saying – after years of frustration back in 2009. The judge added a section 91 (14) order which said I could not raise another case for two years.
In 2014 after trying it outside the courts, I went back to court to try again. This time my girls were fully poisoned against me and the judge kept bringing up the section 91 (14) order. Asking why I had left the court and for what reason was the order given. I think these types of orders are put on cases because of a danger to the kids. But, in my case the evidence was lost, and I knew nothing about it as it was done in my absence.
Be careful not have anything like a section 91 (14) order put on the case as it will come back to haunt you later. Try a clean getaway without frustrations. Not sure how you do that other then stepping aside.
Hopefully someone else knows a graceful way of saying the Court Is Shit and you cant take the beating any longer.Antonia,
As the grandmother you can do what ever you think is in the best interest of the kids. You also have rights to be part of their lives. Move cautiously as it can make things worse in the long run…It will most certainly be brought up in court when you get there – the mum will assume the NMO is for all of you. Just be ready.
We did not… but now there are THREE of us!
Let’s round up a group of at five and then plan something. CAFCASS need to held accountable.
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