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There is a more aggressive angle to take… You could pretend you never got any letters or were unaware that anything was “agreed” and go get your son and take him home. Change the locks and call the police when she comes home to get him. Obviously, explaining she does not live with you and is crazy to the police (video the whole thing for family court) when she gets angry and starts breaking stuff.
This is what has happened to so many MEN on this site – when the shoe was on the other foot.
I wish I had taken my girls when my ex-was drunk and in a ditch one Monday morning. I didn’t… I kept them another few days and returned them to her once she sobered up. That was 12 years ago and I am still fighting! BTW, I pay over £600 a month to the CMS without any visitation.
Well – you have hit on the exact reason for this organisation.
The rules are different for the mother – not just legally but socially. Yes, she should have never left with the Jack but its not actually illegal because she has parental responsibility. But, that being said – if you did the same thing without a very obvious reason (ie abuse or drugs or…) you would be guilty of kidnapping. The system is not fair. What she did was wrong and horrible but not actually illegal. the perception is that the mother will always do what is best for the child and unwritten laws support that. Even though we know that is not actually true in every case…The marital home doesn’t really mean anything – it is only important because it is Jack’s home and uprooting a child is considered not in their best interest.
If you arrange access you ARE required to abide by her conditions – legally it may appear differently, but actually you will then become a slave to her moods like the rest of us. The court will pretend to make judgments but in actual fact everything ordered by the judge has actually already been discussed with her and sense checked.
Also, brace yourself for maintenance. The more you see your child the less you will pay – her income has no effect on what you will pay, it is all about your income.
The system is very flawed and just allows the resident mother to do what she likes after all that is why this organisation was formed.
As a woman your help could go a long way to help the cause. Thanks for understanding – perhaps we should have a quick chat and I can answer all your questions as best I can.The mum might very well qualify for legal aid – my ex did. But, she will have to pay it back if she receives any award from the hearings. My ex won the bounty of my assets and now has to pay the money back in part (here deal is £5 a month and will be 265 years old before she pays it all back). But, don’t worry if the mum gets legal aid as it doesn’t actually matter, they are not better at the process than anyone else. In fact, the legal aid are advised to go for the visitation status quo of every other weekend and a night during the week.
Antonia,
lol You wrote that as I was replying to you…You can apply! it is exactly the same process! Have a good look at the fees section as there are ways around paying if you are clever…
Is this a Canadian Order? Emailing you now…
I will email you as I am not sure what you mean exactly about a Support Order? This was something I had in the states which m lawyer helped me with. Over here is the UK a lawyer is a waste of money – there are other functions to deal with maladministration with the CMS/CSA.
Well, there are a couple directions this could take?. Legally, she should not take the child away from the family home but there is probably very little you can do about that now. And now that she had left with Jack there is little you can do to stop it.
You could respond to her solicitor (and represent yourself) to say that she is has taken jack from his home and his settled environment into a world of the unknown with a someone who has previously had mental health issues. Did her letter say anything about Jack or was it just about her? Socially, the law assumes the child will stay with the mother regardless of where she lives or if she has mental issues. This ideal is what you will be fighting.
But, you need to talk to the mother directly as the probable outcome will be her hiding behind the solicitor – screwing you for money and then disappearing with Jack.Try to video or record as much as you can and start keeping records of her behaviour (with evidence). This will all help but it is really her that you need to persuade. Each family court is different and now that she is the resident parent it will be a battle to change that.
Good Luck and this is just my opinion.
Kids, Sadly, the court is ALWAYS going to take the mothers side. False allegations really don’t mean anything – it is all about what the mother wants.
Even if CAFCASS and the courts take your side it doesn’t mean anything unless the mother decides to allow visitation. But, Court can have a strong effect on the mother perceptions and can help you eventually… as the pressure mounts – but it is a long long process.
Time to start negotiating with the mum but continue with the court. Focus on the kids and what is happening to them and never talk about the mum to CAFCASS or the court. The more you bad mouth the mum the less likely they are going to take your side.The system is broken and there is no right answer to gaining visitation but this is what I would do. It will be a very uphill road but you must travel it if you ever want to be a part of your children’s lives.
Dave,
This doesn’t sound right to me. If the shoe was on the other foot she would have you in a contact centre with professionals at £75 a pop. I think you are well within your rights to have her go to a contact centre or with you in the room. Unless you both can simply agree on one of your friends to be there (one may also suggest secretly videoing it).
Maybe I am a bit sceptical?Hi guys,
grandparents have a right to go to court too… you can apply as well. Might take the pressure off the kids – or give a double pronged approach to visitation.Kids are everything,
The judge would almost certainly NOT allow a character witness. Family Court is not like any other court in the world and it does not operate like normal criminal/civil court. the judge will expect Mum and Dad to agree on something and if they don then Mum wins. Sounds simple doesn’t it… its a joke and is really hurting society!
Look to make bargains with the mum and don’t expect the court to make any decisions. Also, a Mackenzie Friend may be an option for your son (google it), but having you with him would most certainly raise and objection.Dave andree,
It sounds to me like you just shouldn’t allow any visitation if the children cannot be guaranteed safety! If it is in a CAFCASS office or mediators office then they will easily sign this document. Just refuse access all together if you think there is an issue. Make sure you are there!!!!CAFCASS is the English version of the Court Reporter as best I can tell. Down here they appoint CAFCASS to rock up at the last minute and make sweeping generalisations that horribly effect everyone concerned. Sounds a bit like your Court Reporter.
Because the playing field us unfair we need to do what we need to do… I say approach your daughter and chat to her. Remember to smile! They always say dads and daughters have a unique bond! ???
good luck!
Another option is for your daughter to decide herself. It has been known before –
If your daughter wanted to live with you and you could arrange a meeting with CAFCASS and your daughter, this would be a very good thing and possibly the only way to change things. They live to pretend they are observing the “wishes and feelings” of the kids.
At this point there is little you can do. Can you contact her and try to talk some sense?
Be careful just giving her money as this may set a precedence and will NOT increase your chances of visitation. One question, while you were in discussion about separating, was it already agreed that she would have your son?
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