[NHuntParticipant]

Andy,

You will find that this entire organisation and almost everyone on the forum knows exactly what you are going through.

There are many ways to skin this cat but so silver bullet. Court is the only actual option if she has broken all other communication, but be mindful that it will be in Newcastle – also court is set in stone and there can always be issues with the orders if she is especially evil. Mediation is another thing to consider – and this can be done by a link it the mediation centre has that option (baring any DV or other crap that might have happened).

My only other solution is to bring your family with you when you have visitation. Assuming moving closer is not an option.

[NHuntParticipant]

The system is designed to pity women an assumes they are unable to provide for themselves. You are not alone in thinking this…

My ex wife (I only contribute £600 a month to her retirement) choses benefits and part time work instead of worrying about what happens when I no longer donate money to her.

Gender pay gap, my arse! This is a Ponzi scheme and we are the target. Old tired and stale politicians want to put women down by making sure we provide for them. This worked fantastically until about 1985

[NHuntParticipant]

The nursery cant say no but I am sure they will be sticky about it. There is no order in place and you should be able to see your kids if and when. Just remember to be humble.

In regards to the NMO – who cares if she wins but you cant let her get away with it. It will haunt you for ages for visitation… use an evidence and fact based response without getting petty. If you make it look like she is the aggressor (and you are totally innocent) then you also look like a bit questionable. Just focus on the kids!
Also, there was a recent case where the mum brought her father as the McKenzie Friend. Don’t let that happen, protest with the judge as a McKenzie Friend should not be involved in any way shape of form.

good luck! – many have fought and won these!

[NHuntParticipant]

Ok, If I get this right – you are in Scotland and the mother is in England?

So the Scottish judge made the order in England? I don’t get it – if you have order from a Scottish Judge, then you have the right to approach them again. Have you written to the original judge siting the evidence? I would exhaust all routes in Scotland long before I try anything in England.

There is plenty of stuff on how to start action in England on the forums – have a look.

[NHuntParticipant]

Hey,

This is typical stuff that you can easily defend. Quick question: how is the NMO for? Her or the kids? If it is for her – you can simply say that she is imposing this so you cant see the kids and it is not in the children’s interest.

Either way – there is nothing in this and you can simply squelch it. You paying the rent could give evidence that you are controlling, so be careful with that – make it about the kids or suggest that it has been her demand and that you are the bullied person.
All the other crap that you are guilty of was years ago and would never be held against you now. Remain calm and make this about the kids.

[NHuntParticipant]

Dude, WTF? you are in a fine mess here, huh???

I think the first question is what are you after? do you want visitation or custody?

But a couple curios things you said:
1. the credit cards are probably water under the bridge as wives are typically allowed to swindle you and the CPS will do fuck all.
2. Non-EU??? I am non-EU and was able to start divorce proceedings without any issues. Unless the law has changed, I am not sure if this means anything. Also, the UK is a not fault country so don’t get hung up on the he said she said – it will only separate you from your kids.

You solicitor should be able to handle all this for you. If you think that they are not doing it – then you may want to take control of it yourself and save a bundle of cash and face.

[NHuntParticipant]

This is a hard situation.
Are you saying you want full custody or visitation? Either way you need to start court action – there is plenty of guidance on the forums.
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c100-application-under-the-children-act-1989-for-a-child-arrangements-prohibited-steps-specific-issue-section-8-order-or-to-vary-or-discharge

But here is a link to get you started. I would suggest that custody is what you are after – as visitation can be a long and painful thing if the mum just wants to hurt you.

And hey, Take a deep breath and relax for 15 min. think about the long term effects now. You have the house and may be able to use money as leverage later. She will be horrible – but as soon as you have her in a good mood, negotiation with her and put the kids first. You two fighting will only hurt your chances.

[NHuntParticipant]

Paul,
That’s about right – I come down to how much weight your ex give the court and its authority. If she is scared then you may be able to get the judge to persuade her one direction. If she is not scared then you had better start the negotiation. Either way the judge is there it loosely stamp your agreement. or until she changes her mind.

Cjlsve,

Your children are old enough in the eyes of the court to make their own decisions. Make time for them in the summer (after school is over for the year) and get a gauge. You do not need to ask their mother any longer – this is sadly up to them. If you went to court the first thing CAFCASS will do is speak to them. This might be an easier way to handle it for you>??

Also, many of the child organisations may also take that view but give them a try. PA is very hard to prove and you need to work carefully to not alienate your kids from you. Kids are always afraid of losing both parents, so they hang on to one subconsciously.

In regards to child maintenance: That is totally your call. But if she is denying visitation and that was your agreement AND she has not opened a CSA/CMS case (and with the kids being of culpable age) I would certainly entertain the thought. If there is a CSA?CMS case open then you would probably just hurting yourself in the long run, but if there isn’t – then you might have some leverage. But its your call and this is just my opinion.

[NHuntParticipant]

Surely, your solicitor has worked this out? Failing everything else, I suppose court is the only option from here?

[NHuntParticipant]

Cjlsve,

Well, you and I have a heap of similarities. My girls are 16 and 14 and victims of years of Parental Alienation – your appear to just be a bit rebellious and you ex has jumped all over it to hurt you.

I had to deal with fact that the court chooses their decision more than any other… even if the mum has manipulated them. here are my thoughts:

You have a relationship with them to some decree and it is something you must savour and respect no matter what early adult decisions they have made. If you take this to court the outcome will probably be what you expect and might not help anything – plus this is quite stressful and will not help your current relationship. Your ex is a greedy bitch, like mine, who enjoys the control of both you and the kids. Let her have it and try to never communicate with her directly now… the kids 14 are old enough to communicate with you and make their own choices. Also, don’t assume that they will both take the same path – they have their own minds and one might see thing differently than the other – don’t group them into one belief.
Can you stay in contact with the schools and have parent teacher meetings?
Is social media an option – being careful not to crowd them or “like” any of the posts sent to the friends?
Are you in a position to bump into them – -this can be super awkward?

My girls have been so afraid to contact me for so long that they have just accepted that they don’t have a dad no matter how many times I contact them or send gifts, letters or what ever. Parental Alienation is child abuse but the effects are never revealed until later in life and quite often not attributed to the mother. The system is fucked and we have to be real about it before it destroys a second life (our current partners).

Be strong and support your children as best you can – they are your kids for their whole lives. I wish there was something else I could tell you.

Just my opinion from someone who has a similar story to tell. You know your kids and ex better than anyone and I hope you choose a path that works.

[NHuntParticipant]

Paulgallagher95,
“district judge rather than a magistrates” – What court are you in and for what?

Family court is mishmash of he thinks – she says with the mum usually winning because they have custody. Just remember to be calm and NEVER get angry not matter what the judge says.

Keep the faith and dont get worked up even if things start to go wrong.

[NHuntParticipant]

I assume this is from her Solicitor? It looks like they set you up. I fucking hate this country and how they can just lie and have the whole world stop!

There is not a whole lot you can do other than write to the judge and ask for a penal notice attached to the breach of the court order. I would not make any mention to any allegation until it is formally addresses in the court. Don’t let the court make it the truth – let her suggest it first and you can counter with your evidence.

Is there anything you could raise with the NSPCC or her local council Social Services that makes the child in danger? CAFCASS must file a report of any thing relating to the mother that is on record. Sadly, these organisations are almost as corrupt as CAFCASS and the family court.

She is starting to pull out all the usual tactics to avoid visitation and I cant say she is being original as this is a typical attack. This is child abuse but the kind that is not recognised in this country.

[NHuntParticipant]

Hmmm.. How long did the judge set until you can file again? (I think this is called a section 9 or 12 or something. Had one set on me but the court lost the paper work).

I would still do all the other things I suggested to give your self some gravitas once the kids decide to leave. You must protest the CAFCASS and highlight the unfairness.

Perhaps you can build a response from the schools and visit them there – or at least have parent/teacher conferences and discuss their wellbeing?

This system is evil and even if the kids do leave the mother it does not guarantee you any rights. You need to keep contact with them somehow…

[NHuntParticipant]

district judge rather than a magistrates ??????

Are you sure?

Stay with it in court and remember to smile! Eventually, you can try and get a court representative to act on behalf of the children, as your ex is incapable of understanding an order. Don’t budge but work up slowly to a more decent arrangement.

There is little advice at this stage other than don’t get angry and stay in control as mush as you can. Sadly, if you have a solicitor, this may be the issue – have a deep look at whether they are helping?

[NHuntParticipant]

Rebecca,
You are an actual STAR! Standing by a good person and great father is not easy when they are slammed to the curb. Thank you for all your efforts to help save fathers from a similar fate!
As a female you are better positioned to stop this madness – thanks for your support!

[Author]

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