Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
Yes! the CSA covers all of that – but there is a moral issue of whether you should also provide other things for the kids. Only you will know what the right thing to do is (depending on the financial aspects of you and your exs agreement)
But, your payments to her under the CSA law includes all school uniforms and day to day living expenses.July 3, 2017 at 7:25 am in reply to: "Help needed" representing yourself in court what to do and expect #8469Danny,
The accusations are the thing that hurts the most – but unless you actually did it and spend time in jail, they mean NOTHING! You have to rise above them. Something very similar happened to me and I was almost suicidal – but then realised it is just a smoke screen to hurt everyone and to give my ex control of the situation.
The sad part is: the court will assume it is true until you prove it isn’t, this is where you need to be cool and just brush them all away. Also, there may be more so prepare yourself with videos of when ever you are with your daughter. !!!I’m in. What Cafcass office are you going for? Mine is Lincoln (my ex now lives in sophisticated Skegness).
Maybe we can get four or five of us to file the same complaint and then link out MPs together. This could create enough steam to create a national story…Victoria,
Your understanding and support it greatly appreciated. I am sure your brother is grateful even if it is hard for him to say it at the moment (I am just assuming he is like me and suffering inside).
This is an organisation built for men really, but thanks for understanding what we go through – there are hundreds of thousands just like your brother. sad.June 30, 2017 at 7:04 am in reply to: "Help needed" representing yourself in court what to do and expect #8450Danny,
There is no set template of what will happen because every court is different, very different.
First thing first – not being the best at speaking out is a good trait for court. The Judges believe they are all powerful and actually believe the mother will obey their every wish. Court is all about you and the mother agreeing something and the judge stamping as fact (which the mother may break later and it starts all over again).Second – remain cool and DONT get angry. Being nervous is actually a good thing, it means it is important to you. Your ex may throw all kinds of accusations at you but they don’t mean anything at this stage, so don’t get angry but do stand your ground and say it is not true. Its a tough balance between timid and assertive.
The judge and solicitor will have a set idea of what the result should be based on what your ex has suggested. The court will probably just go with that unless you object. Do you know what your ex is suggesting – or can I assume it for no visitation? I also assume mediation did not happen?
Have you any current agreement that needs to be agreed (or out back the way it was?)?
Her solicitor will try and get out of there as soon as possible – they may try and not speak to you directly as they don’t need to unless it is directed by the judge. But, prior to the hearing the judge will expect you and her to have a discussion and see if you have reached an agreement , even at the last minute.
Before you go into the court room you will probably be expected to discuss matters with the solicitor directly. So you will be speaking with them before you go in. Understanding what it is they want is crucial… then you can focus on your counter argument.There is time to discuss before you go – don’t worry. Court never ends quickly and the first hearing is probably just to set out arrangements. You will be a professional court attender in no time. We all are!
Keep the faith! We are here to help. (all of this is just my opinion…)
There are NO fathers rights, that is the issue, sadly.
Does sound like some clever solicitor magic that has him in this situation. I can never trust a solicitor.
There is a lot to be careful about especially the maintenance and mortgage payments… he is liable to pay CMS/CSA at anytime and should be careful. Hopefully the payments in Lieu are well documented – be careful of the clause in the Child Maintenance Handbook that says property does not substitute for maintenance (this cost me £££££). Chances are she will get the house and your brother my be stuck wit the debt. I don’t know what the right thing to do is but if there is any financial leverage, use it wisely.
While the financials are going it will feel like everything is stacked against him and it is. Once the smoke clears and you know where you stand: you can then start to rebuild but until then it is a hurtful and horrible system designed to support women and make the fathers pay for everything. Make sure the relationship with the kids never ends. the mum will do all she can to slowdown or stop the dad from seeing them – the less the father sees the kids the money she will get.
It isn’t fair, that why we are all here. But, is there a way to have the money help determine contact? Your ex appears to have it all her way and has not thought about the child. You may be helping the child by being more restrictive with funds and support?
Just a thought?But, all that being said you still have a relationship with your daughter. Once I pulled the plug on shameful giving of money to my ex I lost all visitation and have not seen them in 9 years. This is a tough call and your relationship with your daughter is most important.
The financial situation with being on the mortgage sounds like you are being tied to your ex (not your daughter). Maybe it is time to consider a bigger separation from the mother. You need to have a life too – and this freedom WILL also help your daughter when she is with you.
This is just my opinion…
ok. Here is what I think…
Is there currently an on going family court case?
Who cancelled the holiday and phone calls, the nan or the court?
Your daughter is almost the age to have her thoughts and feeling considered by the courts (or CAFCASS). It sounds like you gave custody to the nan way back when (perhaps this was a solicitors choice, it sounds it to me) and perhaps its time for you to try for custody?
You need to keep some contact with your daughter while you go back to court and fight. Never let your daughter see you angry and let the nan hang herself. Your daughter will want to see you more and more as she gets older and you need to be there for her.
We can help you start court again if needed.This comes down to what you want, my friend. If you want to stay married with her I would serious consider mediation but with her living with another guy, this seems like a very difficult thing to do?
Here to help with the kids but you are the only who knows what to do with the relationship…
Chamers, keep your chin up mate!
Are you living somewhere safe? Sadly, the mum will call the shots from here for a while. The longer it goes without you seeing your kids the harder it is to get back to them.
Keep us posted and remember to stay cool and don’t get angry in front of judges and the mother.
Well, the system is stacked against him. But, there are few things he can do. If the children live with him then he needs to claim CSA/CMS and get the child benefit, this would make him the resident parent and will save him lots of cash.
Why is he paying his ex wife anything if there are still court cases on going?Also, are these family court cases or financial cases? More info would be good and I can offer my advice… errr opinion.
What do you mean a “live writ”?
Also, If you are the resident parent why are you starting the mediation.Here to help if you need it – Im just confused.
I understand that it can be done in parallel but is not time restrained like the divorce – Finances can take years after the Absolute to settle (as they did in my case). Be careful… also there is never a clean break if children are involved, you will always be entitled to pay support for them. There are other ways around this like limited companies and the like.
You can settle everything else but the cash of kids issue may always be a factor.Also, the week before the absolute was completed, my ex gutted my new house and took everything. After a year of police and CPS it was determined she was wrong to do it, but it was not actually against the law as she owned half of what I owned still.
Be careful but it can be done.
-
AuthorPosts
