[NHuntParticipant]

We can also help with the process – or offer and opinion too, if you need one.

Is this mediation as a precursor to court?

[NHuntParticipant]

Protect your daughter at all costs! But, first protect yourself from what will happen when you make the big decision. The law WILL assume the mother has all the rights to the child. Just be safe and make sure you are truly the resident parent.
She will have to go to court to get anything down once you have secured residency at your house with the DWP. CMS and Council.

Good luck and let us know if you need more advice.

[NHuntParticipant]

Hey, time will tell and this process takes time.
What is important is that you know your girls are asking the mum where daddy is. THIS IS ONE THING FOR CERTAIN!

[NHuntParticipant]

Am I within my right to restrict access she has with my daughter? – YES!

But, First call the CMS and start a claim against her and make sure you have the child tax credits in your name. If she is working full time then she should have to pay for her child. She will kick off and it will be assumed that she can have all the rights but she doesn’t if you are the defined resident parent. Be strong and don’t budge. Your daughter is depending on you to keep her safe. She will have to take you to court before you would have to let her see your daughter. Also, you can appeal any decision made by the court. You are in the drivers seat, now drive it like you stole it!!!!!

Also, understand if the shoe was on the other foot you might never see your daughter again. Be aware of the huge double standard in this country.

Just my opinion…

[NHuntParticipant]

Honestly, she can do what ever she wants. The court may disagree with her and tell her not to do it but there is not any real deterrent or punishment for mothers.
She would have to have a reason that shows it is detrimental to the child to change an order. Focus on what is best for the child and use school records or anything to suggest this change could hurt the kids. Please keep in mind, even if you win this she can still just ignore the court and nothing will happen to her.
Let’s hope she believes the courts empty threats and stays to what the court orders (assuming you win).

sorry if this is bad news, but it is what it is. If your child is older then their thoughts come into play…

[NHuntParticipant]

You have not seen your daughter because of bail? or because your ex didn’t want you to? If it was ordered by the judge, then its nothing to worry about because time will heal that. If it was your ex’s decision then you may need to prove yourself over and over again… It could take time with afternoon or supervised visitation. That is an abridged version of how event make go?
Just keep you chin up and try to see your daughter as often as you can. it will be a long road once they start on the false allegations route.

This is just my opinion and let us know how it goes.

[NHuntParticipant]

I totally agree with you and sad to hear – this is very similar to my story. I raised a case with the NSPCC but they asked for evidence. The only evidence I could give was texts and emails from my kids that were clearly written by or heavily influenced by my ex.
The system only considers the children’s feeling (if its ok with Mum, obviously). The problem only start there… the child says they hate their father once (because mum tells them too before they are old enough to know what it means) and then they are the ones to look guilty if they have a change of heart or get older and see what has happened. PA is where the child has been rewarded for hating their father so often that they now just know it as truth – they don’t even question the hatred any longer.

Parental Alienation is real and is damaging thousands of kids. NSPCC, Bernardos and the rest are ignoring it because they want the donations from mother groups.

[NHuntParticipant]

There is often a “defined” outcome to all visitation cases and they follow a template. In my experience they get confused between cases and make mistakes. They also pretend that the court has power and that penal notices mean something important.

At the end of the day I don’t need to spend money on someone else to plead with my ex wife. I found representing myself gained far better results and save a lot of money that could help support my CSA/CMS payments.

Just my opinion, but one shared by many. The system is more likely to change if solicitors were not involved.

[NHuntParticipant]

It is hard to prove and the courts see it as junk science even though CAFCASS mentions it on their website (last I looked). There are some very good support groups on Facebook that I am a part of – but sadly, there are quite a few ex-druggy mothers crying about visitation and appear to be completely unaware of the battle fathers go through.
Parental Alienation is real and there is significant resources to support it exists. But, without cooperation of the abductor it is very hard to gather enough evidence to prove it.

[NHuntParticipant]

Wow, this almost mirrors my story except I was never granted overnights.

You have not lost your mind, don’t worry. But, you may have lost vision a bit. This is about your kids and not about control of your kids. there is no correct answer as evil(our exs) move in mysterious ways and there is no telling what they will do next. Society assumes mum will block access and dad will fight for it – and our kids have now assumed a defensive position. It’s an evil system.

You run a huge risk in talking badly about mum to the kids. Their age is quite significant as well – if they are quite young they may not understand what they are saying and probably wont remember it quit the way you expect when they are older… so don’t assume you can win the long battle. If your relationship is strong enough to withstand a discussion then I say go for it but with a heap of caution.
Mums have a unique way of changing perceptions with alienation. Once you have no visitation, you are cooked. One day my kids did not show up to the drop off place and I never saw them again. Many years later, I reached them only to hear what a bad person I was for disappearing.

My opinion, never do anything that will lose contact with the kids. Mum will manipulate their memory to make you out to be a bad father and person. Your only hope to solve this is to maintain a positive relationship with the kids and keep the faith. F4J would not exist if the system were fair – but we have to think about the poor kids.

Also, if she is representing herself, why don’t you. I will never understand why someone pays a solicitor? The solicitors are the problem in my opinion. I only started winning cases because I could accurately represent my kids far better than anyone else.

[NHuntParticipant]

Dale,
Lets hope this forum can help you!!! Email me if you think I can help. I can share some of my documents with you – as it looks like I am 8 years down the road from where you are.
[email protected]

Don’t just throw money at a losing cause. but, you must persist with court…

[NHuntParticipant]

Hello, Your son is almost at the age of consent. I feel with your son’s evidence you could reapply to court, but for custody. Eventually your son, at about 14, could explain his “wishes and feelings” to the court and ask to live with you.
There are ways to support your evidence also that your ex will not like… like videos of her drunk and your son asking for help when she is un able to care for him. This way might cause trauma for your son, so I suggest going to court and having it done right.
This is just my opinion. Other may have actually done this and know the exact trail to take.

[NHuntParticipant]

Just remain calm. no matter what anyone says about you… remain calm. Chances are: she may not attend or it will only be a advice hearing or the judge may ask you two to come some agreement that they will just sign off. The court may want you two to make the decision for them. If you don’t agree with your ex then the whole thing proceeds and take ages to settle.

If you have a solicitor they will tell that every other weekend and maybe a night during the week is the normal arrangement. And, if you both have solicitors that will probably be the set arrangement before you even turn up. Unless you have not seen your son in a while and the mum has a list of reason for it. Then you have a very different road ahead…

Don’t let them see you sweat. If you get angry then you just become the monster they are portraying. It is a rotten system that is designed to remove you from your child’s life – be strong and keep us posted.

[NHuntParticipant]

Danny,
Read it again carefully – they are horrible people who think they know what is best for your kids. CAFCASS have a very narrow directive on what they can write about and usually just take the side of the mum – the judge will know this but these reports give the Mum all kinds of strength and power. CAFCASS usually (but not always) write their sentences as “the mother says” or as a description from the mothers point of view. If this is the case, you simply smile and tell the judge this is not true and move forward. Don’t let this get you down at the moment.
CAFCASS should only relate what effects the kids in the report and you can debunk the rest. If your issues with the mum does not effect the kids then they may just see it as nonsense and not include it in the report. If it does effect the children directly, then you need to make a complaint to CAFCASS with evidence that you supplied the evidence to the officer.

Try and not get caught up in the ‘he said she said’ as you will lose that battle. The court system is designed to hate fathers and this is one of the first steps to make thing difficult.

Hang in there and never let your kids see you angry! These are just my opinions and am happy to help if needed.

[NHuntParticipant]

Fazzer,
This is the system we are all trying to change. She has the right until you can enforce court action. But, going to court often separates you from the kids. Mothers learn very quickly to circle the wagons and block dads – which the court supports because of out dated laws.

My advice is to keep an open dialog with your ex and always show support for the kids and never let them see you angry. In time they will ask to see you more often. This will be a new challenge down the road, when mum realised she is not a cool as she thinks.
For reference, I have not see my girls in 9 years and they believe everything their mum has told them. every year a new challenge arises and the longer you go without visitation the harder it is to get back involved with your kids. Never lose contact with your kids at all costs.

[Author]

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