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A very interesting read.
You are in a real tangled web. The system does not make any sense but the CMS are the LAW, make no mistake. Push them over and over again for the arrears! does your ex work? They can deduct earnings…The government set up the CSA/CMS to handle all these issues and it may very well be thrown out of court if your x had any sense. it would be a real gamble to go to small claims court with this. But I have known people to win.
Remember to set up a direct pay with the CMS for £20 and you will not be charged the extra 20% fee. Its all well documented on Child Maintenance Options.
You seem to be in a good state of mind considering all these issues.
Good Luck, don’t forget to focus on the kids and keep us posted.
Reconsider the solicitor for the kids – you may not need it.
Good Luck
Goodfather,
This is my advice: others may have different ideas.
Always enforce a court order! Sadly, there is very actual enforcement to any order – so we have to use the system to its maximum I few have any chance at all. Add a penal notice as well if you can… these are more than likely just aggressive statements from the court but will mean much more years form now when the kids are older and you need to provide possible evidence to them about the Parental Alienation. Simply, if a judge agrees with you, then there must be some truth to it. When your kids are adults they will understand things much better.
In regards to the kids, you can only control what is within your power. Try and reach them as often a possible and be positive when you are with/talk to them. Their memory needs to be of mum hurting us and Dad was always there when we needed a smiling face.Do you have a CAFCASS report yet? The oldest child may be able to speak their feelings to them. it may not be what you want to hear so brace yourself. But, down the road your kids may remember the Parental Alienation from their Mum and move closer to yoru side.
The Mum holds all the rights to destroy your kids. you can only hang on and be positive. But never stop going to court… unless you can reach an agreement with her.
Hello,
Sounds like you are in the same place as so many of us! It is hard to believe this could be the law, but it is!I have never heard of anyone getting a 50:50 order in court, but I have heard of reaching an agreement over share custody with the ex wife. I can only speak for myself here… if the courts to acted appropriately then F4J would not exist. What has happened to you has happened to most, if not all, of us on the site.
Even the court order saying where and when you can have your children the police are still powerless to enforce it. But, you know that now.
Go back to court and fight – its all you have. BTW, I am in the same situation and pay monthly for children who cant see me or any of my family.
Gents,
There is support here. Its something we do together.
I think the £30 is more for the wider campaign and stopping the trollers.
May 17, 2017 at 7:15 am in reply to: Mentally ill mum brainwashing daughter against me. Desperate for help! #8028Paul,
Fantastic. This is exactly what I did – although my relationship with my daughters was far more degraded than yours and things went south for me.
This is the right path!!! Represent yourself and you will have far more clarity on what is going to happen. Also, remember to focus on your daughter and let the Bull slide off your back from the Ex. If you and your daughters are united then that is what this is all about, isn’t it.Let me us know if you need any help once you get going with court (this can take months, btw).
GOOD LUCK!
Sounds like you WILL have a fight on your hands – everyone on this site is here because they are having a fight.
Sadly, there is little you can do in this Catch 22. If you are not put on the birth cert then you have a very long battle and possible financial risk! If you are on the birth cert then you have a long battle but with an outcome and a huge financial risk.
If She really doesn’t want you around then she will not have you added to the birth cert and you will begin the long battle through court ordered testing and solicitor bills, then possible maintenance. If you are on the birth cert, then she wants money and the kid – that road is a different kind of path and we can help you walk down that road…
You sound like you would be a great dad and please keep us posted on the situation. Good Luck.
Nick,
These Skype calls can become a very petty way for her to get at you. Weigh it up and decide if you need the continued aggravation. Keeping record is always a good thing. But, my gut feeling is that if you do go to court again this will just be a tit for tat issue for the judge and will not really make any huge difference.
The argument is whether you need to poke the bear (your ex)? She could shut the door on visitation anytime and that needs to be considered anytime you go against their wishes.The system is shocking but it what we have to work with until we have the revolution!
May 16, 2017 at 12:25 pm in reply to: Mentally ill mum brainwashing daughter against me. Desperate for help! #8024Paul,
Firstly, it is amazing how similar your and my case are (other than you have contact with your daughters and I don’t). I remarried and never saw my girls again, they are 15 and 13 now, after 9 9and counting) years apart. Don’t be surprised by your ex’s behaviour now you have a new partner. this is just they way they tick – its about ownership and nothing else. She will be working hard to alienate your girls against you and you need to make contact as often as you can. And remember to be HAPPY all the time. They will know you, and remember you as a good person!
Hmmm… Her medical condition will be hard to reveal as her reports are not subject to disclosure and even if they are added as evidence it may not be enough to change anything. If MASH are not going to proceed with anything than Social Services is the nest call to make. After that you will be beating a dead horse. Been there and done that. It is amazing how narcissists avoid detection in normal life – it is too easy to avoid detection in Family Court.
The age of your Daughters is important as they can give a valid statement to the court. Has CAFCASS been involved yet? How are they performing at school?
My thoughts are to focus on the girls and let the mum self destruct. Soon your daughters will be well into teenage years and a lot will change – be strong and supportive to them and let the mum rot in loneliness. you can change her, but you can take control of your relationship with the girls.Hope this helps. I wish the system was different, but it isn’t. Beggars Belief, we all know…
May 16, 2017 at 12:10 pm in reply to: EX WILL NOT SHARE ANY TRAVELLING EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO LICENSE #8023Well, the law does not stipulate anything in regards to travel costs or ability to travel. The resident parent (your ex) usually have the court nearer them, so I assume you are travelling to Wales on Thursday?
The judges will think that if you can travel to court you can travel to see your kids… that is the way the law works.
Is the train an option? I am only looking to help with an option because it is very unlikely that the court will help your situation. Work something out with your ex – she seems to quite happy with visitation but just doesn’t want to be bothered with helping you out with it.
Compared to a lot of guys on this site, you could consider yourself lucky … that may not help but I hope it puts in perspective.FrankandEdith33,
Tom is not wrong but let’s build some hope…
Did he already have an existing visitation order? In the eyes of the law if she was the resident parent, then he is in for a long battle indeed. If there is not a determined resident parent then he has the right to just take them back.
Is he paying maintenance? If he is then he is NOT the resident parent.
How old are the kids – are they on social media?Under the current law there is nothing illegal by the resident parent taking the kids like this.
McCain,
You really are in a tough spot. I don’t know what advice to give other than stay with the courts and prey you behave in the future, not just for you but for your son too!
Only the future can replace the past.Iaink25,
Tom is right. This needs serious legal advice out of our depth. Unless a trained property/divorce solicitor magically appears on this forum.This is a really sad situation and keep the faith! Focus on the kids and don’t lose your shit over petty stuff with her.
You are a strong father!May 16, 2017 at 9:06 am in reply to: childs mother wants to move to germany (shes under a supervision order) #8018Mitchelingham,
To be honest this sound grim for you. You don’t have parental responsibility and have a long fight on your hands. By the time you get to judgement day the kids will already be gone.
What a horrible situation – I’m so sorry!
Are you father to only one child? Perhaps reaching out to the other fathers and going to court together? It would be a new one for me but worth a try. then again, I assume the new husband is father to the youngest two.Well this is a good one. Quick question first – when you say alimony do you mean maintenance? There is a clear and distinct difference in the UK.
Here is my advice…
If your kids are in close contact with you at 11 and 9, then chances are they are not under any evil spell from their mother. Also, the age of the children is very important – when they turn about 14 the court will take their “thoughts and feelings” into account. Which means you if they want to live with you then it is just a matter of time until they do. In actual fact a 16 year old can just move out and live with you without any notice, a 14 year old could probably do it to but would need some sort of services letter or guidance.
Here is what I would do ( keeping in mind, I am a bitter father who has not seen his kids for years and pays monthly maintenance to an evil ex wife): I would keep as much contact as I can with the kids and be as good a father as I can. I may even try and arrange visitation with them without the mother knowledge when I was in the country. I would also NOT pay the mother anything if she is refusing visitation of any kind. As you live in Norway, you do not have to pay any maintenance. In a few years when my kids reach a consenting age then I would ramp up the visitation and even have them move to my home and take full custody. Then I would seek maintenance from my ex wife.Just my thoughts. Hope it helps.
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