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Hey Walker,
If you are trying to find her in-contempt of family court you will be the first.Or have I got this wrong?
Sounds like you need decent penal notice on the order and some Whiskey!
Matthew,
this is one of the biggest challenges with shared parenting. her sex seems to giver the right to shape the visitation. I am not sure what is to be gained my poking the bear but you know her best.Would demanding anything from her help the situation… I am not sure if the is a law in the land that can stop her from being, well, female.
Sadly, in England it is assumed that the mother will be hysterical and the law is almost tailored to that favour. Just keep my happy at all costs. One can only assume that NI is similar, but I do not actually know.Perhaps someone with NI experience can pipe in
Omar,
Are you in court now or not? Also, you do NOT need a solicitor! Give the forums a bit of a read first and we are happy to help – but there is a lot of info out there already.
Perhaps mediation is your first step.
Dude, holy shit… you are in a fine mess and I thought I had heard it all! And I like the way your are thinking…
Not sure exactly how to proceed but if you leave the house you have lost the kids too – or at the very least started a battle to see them.
This is just my opinion. I think your approach is a good one as you may have a fight no matter what you do, might as well take the lead.
Ok, here is where it gets tricky. What if she leaves and takes the kids? Perhaps sighting the mental illness as well as the children’s safety at home, think its best she leaves. Make sure you intend the kids to stay home. The children are settled at home and in school and that her illness does not need to affect the kids in any way if she does the right thing. And also remember who divorces who will make no difference to visitation or finances.Be mindful, here is what my ex did; she called the cops and just had me arrested on a trumped up charge and when I got back home the locks were changed and mu stuff was on the lawn. Record everything and hold tight.
Dude, violence against the kids is VERY relevant. Present it as a real concern and the 11 years may be able to give her side of the story – normally they are about 13 or 14 for girl before the court want to talk to them.
CAFCASS might be able to drop in on your ex and see what’s cookin’. There is real concern here…
Be strong and concerned but vigilant – once true allegation about you and this whole thing become tit for tat. what a bloody joke this all is.
I often imagine what would happen to you if you had custody of the kids with a background of violence. The system is indeed sexist and without merit.
Here is the deal. Evidence you have against her may not be relevant – the system is a shambles btw. You are going to court to see your kids and they may not give a flying shit about how horrible she was to you. Now, that being said if you had evidence to say this could hurt the kids then you may have something to share.
In my case, I came across as spiteful and counter productive for showing evidence my ex was a drunk and thief. Weirdly, the judge said my insults do help the court come to a decision. It was the harsh reality that I was totally on trial and she was not.
My suggestion, if you are sitting on a shit storm of ex wife rage be chilled and only go for stuff that directly effects the kids. But, you know her better than anyone… this is just my opinion of what I would do differently
What I mean is that money plays a huge factor is some mothers decision making – and the law accepts it. I had thought you were paying the mortgage, excuse me if I got that wrong. Sorry about that.
If you are paying anything towards her upkeep then you should have something to negotiate with.
Thakur,
This story really breaks my heart and there is no silver bullet. What I mean is, there is not one way to solve this and the court are going to take the children’s version of events as facts.
Not sure what you need a family solicitor for – I would suggest representing yourself for family court and let them settle the finances. You MUST separate the issues of divorce, money and visitation. They are NOT connected in the eyes of the law. Even if she get all the money and is responsible for the break up, she can still deny visitation if the kids live with her. Even if she is a confessed serial killer and the kids live with her, she can still deny visitation.Time to focus on the future. The children are being manipulated for her personal gain – this is called parental alienation and is chid abuse. Please google this term and read the forums on the subject. You need to gather evidence and give it to the social workers and the courts. The best fix for this having “meaningful” contact with your kids – suggest Skype calls or weekly contact centres until you can build up a better relationship.
Domestic violence; the system give benefits for mother who claim it. Court fees and other freebies if they claim abuse. Plus, it destroys your spirit in the court of public opinion so people lose respect for you and then you lose respect for yourself. You must rise above this and deny the allegations politely and move on. She will continue to raise them… so never be alone with her and if you are make sure you video/record everything.
The system creates these situations and your ex is 100% to blame for the abuse of your children. be strong and keep the faith.
Keep your chin up and don’t lose control. Wait until nobody is around and kick the shit out of something!!!
Never let them see you down and always smile with your boy. He will remember you !!!!
Steve,
Hang in there!! You must see your son… he will learn to adapt and Mum will have to answer to him in time. Try and get as many photos as you can and start a website or photo book. Also, I created a family album of all his relatives for my daughters to look through… they would always ask questions to the mum about their whole family and not just their mums family.Even if the police don’t take any action, which they probably wont, this may still hang around in family court to haunt you. Smile, refute all allegations and push forward. It is the only thing you can do.
The system is cruel and full of evil man hating do-gooders who think they know best. Believe it or not, I know exactly what you are going through and been there myself… there is light at the end of the tunnel but never stop seeing your son no matter what!
Max,
similar to what happened to me with money – my ex had a son in the states and left the country without making a plan for cash – then I got all her hatred for men when we divorced.You ex sounds like she may be going the route. And, she probably saw the CMS calculator. There are two trains of thought…. 1. stop paying anything now until she allows visitation and see if it shakes her and makes her think she is in over head. 2. work very hard to make a consistent agreement (as the CMS value could change in the future, wink wink).
I personally don’t think we as men should have to pay anything to our ex’s – this money should go directly to the kids rent, clothes or other expenses. Ive seen too many men go down from the CMS and its horrid processes.Try your best to separate the issues in your head and remember to smile when ever you are with your kids!!!!
I assume you have settled the finances and this is purely the Family Court.
First step – fire your solicitor. Second step – wonder why you ever hired one to begin with. Third Step – Move forward with integrity and mindfulness. The long game is your challenge and you can pay your solicitor to tag along if you choose but there is no benefit and might actually be slowing things down. It certainly will destroy your bank account.
I assume you mean CAFCASS when you say social worker? They normally will speak with a 13 year old for more clarity. The court will use what ever the child says as fact! The children’s “wishes and feeling” are the only really concern by CAFCASS or the court. Be normal and smile when spoken to and calmly reject any allegation. You ex will happily say there was domestic abuse because she gets benefits to say so (like reduced court fees or not having to attend mediation).
CMS is a totally different story and need to be looked at separately – do not connect this with court. The CMS bases their calculations on your last years tax statements. You need to make sure they have the evidence they need to stop action. they are not very intelligent and you always have the right to a mandatory reconsideration and tribunal.
This sounds quite twisted and strange to me – your ex is stuck between two worlds.
A child arrangement is always open ended, which means she can always change it too 9as the resident parent). It is not legally binding unless the court stamps it, but even then there is rarely any punishment for the mum.
You have negotiated pretty well if you can see your kids – -well done. Now try and use the tenancy to take control. The Law says that you do not need to pay rent on a property you cannot live in – either move back in or change that agreement ASAP. Call the police and get your things under escort. This is what my ex did…
Be careful. She can actually do what ever she wants if you have moved out. Assuming you are married, then everything you own is also hers. Negotiate as best you can and your right to never agree to trumped up allegations.
Why oh why are you paying her (in the form of rent) to torment you? have a good think about this..Ok, so you aren’t losing your marbles… You are just going through what many of us are too.
She would have to have a reason to get rid of you – don’t give her one and be careful. How is your mind set at the moment? It can be tough feeling that you have no leg to stand on but you do.
If you pay the mortgage, then you have a far bigger standing than you think. Chin up and stand strong. She is NOT in control.
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