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Max,
Let’s focus on the CMS for now. The visitation takes more time and a real considered approach. She already has an agreement with her other ex so – reasonably it would make sense that she will be able to discuss your visitation without too much hassle. Two days a week is not much in the grand scheme of things and she and you could probably work something out without having to go to court. Court will hurt everyone! try your best to not go that route. Mediation is the first step for court so it is the right move just in case.If you go to court your ex will hash up your infidelity and cause smoke screens. the reason for your separation has NOTHING to do with visitation, finances or anything else. Don’t let it sneak in to anything you do.
CMS:
The first step is make sure she has not already contacted the CMS before you make any payment to her. I made payments to my ex and then out of the blue the (then) CSA contacted me to say she started a case 8 months earlier and I owe £4000 – and they were sorry for the administrative error in processing the claim. My ex then said all the money I gave her was NOT for the kids and was alimony. I got screwed, royally and set the tone for the next 11 years.
The CMS works on your PAYE or declared income to the DWP. The CMS will most likely use your last years returns to calculate how much you owe. They work it out on weekly payments, which you can pay monthly. Now, everything the CMS do is non-negotiable but there is a mechanism to appeal.
Start by taking your year end salary and throw it into the calculator. Assuming your salary and bonus is PAYE, then all should be accounted for but may not be representative of what you earn year to year. the CMS use evidence based calculations to determine your contribution. If your bonus is not in your PAYE (best case scenario) then this may not be known by the CMS and you may not be within their calculation. Meaning: you may only have to pay a percentage of what is declared on your year end and only what you pay taxes on. Dad’s that work cash in hand are very hard to catch by the CMS… and is the reason for the CMS and the reason why so many decent fathers get shafted by the CMS. Either way the CMS is evil and hurts kids as much as the family court and you have my blessing to refuse to pay them. Just a person note, having been a client of there’s for over a dozen years.Sadly, money is a key factor to visitation and many mother breed for cash, lets hope your ex is not one of these.
Let me know if you need more help.
Dude,
My opinion: possession is 9/10th the law – get the kids to safety first then discuss custody. If she is the resident parent at the time you start court, your chances of winning custody are slim – unless she totally self destructs. You could remove her from the house, claim child tax credits and call the CMS. She would have a very long way to go to get back from that.Many mother don’t have a seconds worry about taking the kids, refusing access and having you fight for years for a glimmer of your kids.
Nice one! if you are happy and the kids are happy then how can that be wrong.
Keep the faith and I hope we helped.
This is the law and the reason for this group. Sad isn’t it …
Ok, you can and should fight this. You don’t need a solicitor or shouldn’t EVER use one anyway.
Get your evidence together that focusses on the truth – don’t get hung up on her and just focus on what she has submitted. You can fight and you can win!!! without a solicitor!
Don’t let her use the system to destroy your relationship with your kids.
To answer the question (sorry about that): Yes and no.
Yes, she can just call the police and say you are a paedophile and have you arrested and then get a restraining order against you – so you cant see your kids or return to the house.
No, because it is your house and you would just stop paying the mortgage and she would be stuffed. And your kids would suffer.The long and the short of it is: YES. Without much trouble she could easily have you removed whether if legal or not. But only would know if she is capable of this.
Marbles,
Hold on a second – I think you may be losing your marbles…Let me get this straight: she has abused the children and you still let them see her? You seem to have a default setting that she is the owner of your kids and have to fight her for them??? This is not the law.
If your children are in danger then you need to protect them… kick her out if you can!!! Video her going crazy and call the police.
She would then have to go to court against you! Why have you just assumed that she is in control? Use the law against her… after all, I can already see what is going to happen if you leave it the way it is.Also, be careful about the financial issues. If you have always provided, you may be assumed to do it forever. If she has the kids and is supported by too? Well, I will let you do the math on the that.
Please don’t be the guy who works three jobs to pay alimony and CMS to an abusive mother who wont let you see the kids.
Are you interested in more visitation? You need to fill in the c100 form for court if you and the ex cannot agree on something.
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c100-application-under-the-children-act-1989-for-a-child-arrangements-prohibited-steps-specific-issue-section-8-order-or-to-vary-or-dischargeI assume you have parental responsibility … are you paying maintenance (not that it matters in court, but women can be bought sometimes)?
I would guess that your visitation with your daughter was going to lead to a bigger relationship and I am sure that your daughter would really benefit from alone time with her wonderful father! remember to focus on your daughters needs and not you or your ex’s.
Good luck and let us know if you need more help.
Don’t think that her spending time with you will have any bearing in family court. This is a common trait even with the most severely abused. It just wont hold any water, so don’t bank on it.
remember to video or record – you are gonna wish you did.If you are only renting< I suggest you notify the land lord about the situation, unless you are financially able to afford it going wrong or are paying the landlord directly. Just be careful and I hope this generosity doesn’t bite you later in the financials. Ancillary relief is bitch when coupled with CMS.
Don’t just assume that you don’t have any rights. At the moment (because you are paying the rent) you could just move back in and carry on. This is just food for thought and only an opinion.
Saffa,
This is a fine mess, sorry to hear about it. Here is the dealio…
Once you leave the house you are no longer the resident parent and basically have to do what she says unless you have a court order – and that is still questionable.
When in mediation – which is the first step before court – you and her can chat is the best time to resolve things. I must caution you about what may happen. Blaming or labelling her with depression and anxiety will most likely backfire. Your emotions and angry on trial , not hers because she has residency. the law is evil and is built to destroy fathers, don’t let it get to you. Just roll with it as most accusations wont mean anything down the line.
The broken door will hang around (no pun intended) to haunt you for a bit. It shows your frustration which could make the children vulnerable. Is there absolute evidence of this door actually being broken? Perhaps there were other reasons for the door being broken.
Money: Why would you pay for a property you don’t live in? This is will kill you once you get to divorce. It is now assumed that you are the provider to the family home and she can do fuck all. Be careful, she should have to pay at the very least half, I not all of it! You will be forced to pay Maintenance, which does not connect to visitation – and the mortgage does NOT count for maintenance. Be careful and read the forums about this.
No matter what you do , make sure you video/record every exchange you have with your ex! once you start to gain some control from her she may raise all kinds of allegations to get even and stop you from seeing the kids. It sounds like she has figured out that kids = cash.
In a perfect world you could move back in and make an agreement with your ex to 50/50 co-parent.
May 8, 2018 at 7:18 am in reply to: I pay CMS. Ex is manipulating court order to force me to pay NURSERY FEE’s #10311Hey,
The answer is clear. If you cant afford it you cant afford it… Get rid of the solicitor, represent yourself and don’t agree to anything.
She will have to win this money in court and that takes time and effort, as well as money.
Hang tight and fight a good fight. Your CMS money is doing what it is supposed to do.In regards to the nursery – this is more of a sticky issue. One that need to be brought to the attention of the court – if she is removing your daughter from nursery without you consent (because that is actually what she has done) then is not fair to the child.
Hello Seafish,
This is the system – sorry to say.
Firstly, you don’t need a solicitor and you need to continue with court and deny these silly allegations. File a police complaint if you are feeling up to it – as they should never have intervened with out checking you ex-wife’s story out. This is actually a crime by your ex but it wont make a difference in visitation – so it is up to you if you want to carry on with it.Believe it or not this is about the standard amount of time it takes to go through the court system. It feels like a long time but you will win in the end.
Please let us know if you need any further help. Have you considered a McKenzie Friend to help with CAFCASS and Court?
Is there a court order suggesting you are not the father or entitled to the reports?
Private schools can do what they like but they also don’t like trouble. What is the reason for non-compliance? I am happy to contact them for you and ask the headmaster.
Starting court is something to consider!!! check the forums for the C100 form – don’t bother with a solicitor… unless you are really worried but be careful about the bill.
Do you have contact with the mum at all? why is she doing it – money? adultery? evil?
Why do you need a solicitor? You mean to say you already had a solicitor who did not get you a court order??? Litigate in Person and take control… (and don’t throw your money away).
Has she contacted the CMS directly? or are you paying an agreement between you? If there is not any CMS then stop paying her until there is visitation – but if she does contact the CMS you may have to work out how this will hurt you financially. There is no connection to visitation and the CMS. So, you can pay the CMS each month and never see your kids, like me.
She cannot change their names legally without your say so – but if she does it, it is very hard to over turn or change back. Address the court with this concern and they may make an order forbidding it.
Hey,
Get back to court and push for what you can. Sounds like she is going to stick to refusing access – you need to move in a positive direction as the longer you go without seeing them more damage it could cause them.
perhaps you can start by writing a letter to the judge saying visitation has stopped and you need a hearing. This might work and save you starting over again.
You cant let her ruin you and the kids with one move. Good luck
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