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You know what school he is at! this is good – make contact now and bring any police URN number with you! Speak with the pastoral care or welfare officer at the school.
You have the right to protect your child and also the right to take him home. His is home is actually your home is it not?Just remember that this is about him and not you or horrible twisted and narcissistic ex partner.
Well, I personally don’t understand why people instruct solicitors? I did the same thing way back when – when I thought that family court was like an actual court. Then quickly realised they actually work for the system and not for me.
He sounds like, well, a solicitor! A first class cock! This is what they do.Ok, if you have and agreement then stick to it and move forward. In actual fact, suggest that you they know you cannot afford the £300 a month agreement and you may use the their court action to have another look at the payment plan.
I assume you have told him to fuck off and are representing your self. It is as easy as a letter to the court.
Just remember to stay focussed on what is best for your daughter. If there is no law stopping you from contacting her directly and trying to start a relationship.
Once a court order comes into effect, then you MUST follow that. She can do what ever she likes – but you must follow the order.Good luck and let us know when you need more help. It is a long process and often has varied results.
First step done! BOOM!
Still feels silly that you have to ask the mother permission to see your own grandchildren – and NOT let them see their own father. The system is truly intended to separate dads from kids isn’t it.
NSPCC and Social services may be a better option to get things logged – and the local councils have child protection sections to (which is often just social services in disguise).
9 is a key age and if you went to court it would not be long before CAFCASS would want to speak with him. There are risks with court but also many benefits.
Also, going to court does not guarantee visitation but it will make the mother accountable.
Nick,
I emailed you back with my number – give me a ring or if email works best. I may be able to help with the CMS, or at least slow them down.Hey,
Wow. Ok. Hmmm…
You know the situation best but here are some quick guidelines of what I would do:
Police wont care as she is the birth mother and you would just be wasting your time. Unless the child is in immediate danger.
How old is your son? The age makes a difference in court and his wished and feelings are paramount (12-14 is abut the age that the courts get interested)!!!!!!
There is not much you can do about allegations – but separate what matters and what doesn’t. She will raise any old shite for money and that will be addressed in Divorce hearings. If they pertain to the child, there is little you can do until they hit you – but you can start to keep records and audio/texts/video evidence now, just in case. Keep all the Whatsapp messages (screen shot them now and keep a few copies with dates and times. be sure not to say anything bad about the mother on them, BTW, just in case.She may try and use child abuse as the reason for leaving – this you can disprove but it takes time.
Stay in the house and don’t leave.
Don’t give her any money until you are ordered to do so (my ex extorted cash from me for visitation until there was no more money left).Do you have her new address? You may need it for family court but I suspect you should try and work something out between you, her and your SON! Court may hurt things if you jump into it as a fist step.
This is just some thoughts and only my opinion. You know her best and you know your son better than anyone.
Good luck and let us know if you need to chat!!!
Steve,
contact any of us if you need to chat – we have been there. [email protected]But, there are some good signs here for the future… She observes the court orders – which many mother don’t. So you are in with a shout when the judge sees through this nonsense.
Try and record what ever you can even video things if you think you may need it later. You ex must appear very vulnerable if she is able to get all this attention on you. Not sure how to fix that.Although I don’t see the need for solicitors a good sharp letter from one may do the trick – or start the conversation for visitation again. She doesn’t sound bright enough to know that the court is a joke.
CAFCASS might actually help too (I have never said that before).Good luck and keep the faith.
We have all gone through this. Believe it or not many of us know how you feel.
I set up a website for my daughters to look at when they got curious – if they google their names it come up. Sadly, even this tactic slightly backfired as they found it in a school project and it labelled them as fatherless to all their mates.
keep the faith and work for a better future with your daughter. When she is old enough she will be interested in who her father is – and you will be there for her.
I made a similar decision 5 years 6 years ago and then tried again in the courts when the oldest turned 12. same result for me sadly as PA had already taken hold and my daughters were lost.
Toni,
You are a credit to grandparents! Society could care less about Fathers but have a real dilemma over the grand parent issue…
Women hold the key to stopping this insanity.Paul, good for you and best of luck. this will be a hard time but you will survive.
A few pieces of thought and just my opinion: Don’t get hung up on what happened and focus on the future. The court will care less if she is a cheating horror. This is a no blame system and she will be in the drivers seat no matter what happened in the past.
Try and use her infidelity to strengthen your case emotionally. Does she deserve luxury after what she has done? Also, don tjust assume that she should have the kids!!! Why cant you throw her out and be the parent? After all she was the one who cheated?
Please don’t just assume the gender roles or you are cooked when it comes time for money issues.
Good luck and let us know if you need more help!
The Grand parents can start their own court action. But, will probably be the same results.
I wonder how the courts will survive once all the same sex marriages start going wrong and its woman v woman in court. The judge wont know who to side with and I cant wait for the media to finally care about it!It is happening in other countries already…
I’m always up for a protest – shame Matt isn’t anymore. We need to link all the organisations together and have a mass protest with all fathers!
Paul,
Only you know your ex wife and I can only share my experience.Court will be heavily on your wife’s side and will be a battle for you to get your point across without looking angry or upset. It is more of an art than a science. You are able to write many statements and speak when spoken to in court but it will be your wife who makes the final decision. The judge may push the mum to go one direction but may not push for too long if Mum has other ideas.
I think, and I am not sure how to say this, but paying the mortgage and maintenance while not having visitation may hurt you down the line (and sounds like its hurting you now). Mothers love to use the kids to extort money from the dads and offering it should only happen when there is something in return. Your kids will suffer if they only know you as a cash machine. One day if the money dries up , you have no value please be careful…
Are actually divorced yet? I can only imagine what hardships she is going to suggest at the financial hearings????
You need to fill in the C100 form for court:
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c100-application-under-the-children-act-1989-for-a-child-arrangements-prohibited-steps-specific-issue-section-8-order-or-to-vary-or-dischargeYou need to get the mediation signed off by you MAIM (mediation person)first, I think its page 14.
There is a fee to pay – but you do NOT need a solicitor to do it.
Good luck and I hope that it works out. Court is not always the best choice for every father…
Paul,
Finally, someone who has also been to Lincoln Court. I know how poor the CAFCASS folks are up there! I have been 12 years into their system.The Police conviction will hurt you for some time to come but push on and counter each claim one by one – no solicitor would be able to do any more than you can do on your own.
Did CAFCASS give a recommendation at he end of the report?
Are your kids old enough to give wishes and feelings?
I must ask why you are paying the mortgage – can I assume you have not settled the financials – these thinks do link to visitation in most mothers minds?The spineless CAFCASS idiots I knew in Lincoln were Kathy Gissings and Andy Stanton and the Judges were host of clowns named Reece, Maw and Toombs.
Anyway,
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