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Once you start court you are opening yourself up to pay maintenance without any guarantee you will have a meaningful relationship with her.
This is a tough call that I can not make but…Is there anyway you can start an agreement with her (assuming you pay her money directly) to have visitation? Court is not quick and in my case a waste of time, money and emotions.
If you cannot make an arrangement with the mother the Court is the only option. But, don’t expect the judge to order anything that is set in stone.
The court will still want mum to be ok with it all. So, be polite but firm and always speak of the kids and not about the mother. She will attack your credibility and you need to ignore it and focus on the kids needs. Don’t look like you are angry at the mum or you will have an up hill battle.The system is very broken.
Yes, but only if she works at it. She would have to have all your details and some sort evidence saying you accept the child. So any letter or text message from you might be enough. Or if you start court action, then that is as good as accepting the child as your own. The birth cert will not matter any longer.
You may never have parental responsibility either – unless you fight to get on the birth cert.This is just a sad situation – it is known that the Dutch have a more progressive system for all this but I will guess that she will use the English system because it suits her agenda better.
Hey Joe,
Welcome. I would go ahead and submit your C100 we are all in this together but there is not a formal process of any kind with F4J… (did you have to do mediation?)
You are pretty spot on with you assessment of what will happen. I would warn that there is no link between maintenance and visitation so be on your toes in this regard. You could quite easily start paying maintenance and not have any visitation – once the CMS get a hold of you there is little you can do to stop them. Prepare yourself for some alienation when this starts as Mum may see this a total gift while not having to do anything get paid.
My fear is that you become a cash cow without any visitation… try and make an agreement with her now for money and visitation without court or CMS. Also, the court will probably not be interested in how she hates you – but whether her anger will hurt the child.
Sorry for being grim but you honourable intention may get you screwed if she knows what she is doing.
https://www.fathers-4-justice.org/forums/topic/representing-yourself-at-court/
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This reply was modified 7 years ago by
NHunt.
A couple links to help you get started.
In short you need to fill in the C100 Form https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c100-application-under-the-children-act-1989-for-a-child-arrangements-prohibited-steps-specific-issue-section-8-order-or-to-vary-or-discharge
Pay the fee and start with mediation (as most courts expect that). The whole thing starts once the form is accepted. From there you need to polite but strong when writing letters or speaking to the judge. But, to set an expectation: don think that court will solve the issue – even if the judge sides with you for visitation, the mum can still veto.
But, this will be a good way to start dialogue between the two of you. I strongly suggest working with her to get visitation as nobody wins in court but the mother.let us know if you need anything along the way and we will do our best to help. Sadly, this organisation is full of destroyed fathers who may only be able to give their stories… but there is advice in there if you look for it.
NannyNatt,
Sounds like you have a difficult road ahead but you will get through it. Keep all records and complain to the police when appropriate (How To is easily googled).
Your son will really appreciate you and the family for your support and don’t let him slip again. Sadly, the court expects him to be strong through all the allegations and false claims.
My ex accused my new step son of horrible things, which forced me to step away and consider how many lives my ex was willing to destroy for money and control. The system is broken and as a woman (assuming you are a woman) you are better placed to help change the law and save our children, I hope you help all of society by getting more involved in changing the law.Another thought, as a grand parent you are entitled to visitation also – should you consider starting your own court action for visitation? Your new family hearing may aid your son’s case and reveal information. It will also put pressure on the mother to do the right thing ASAP.
Good luck, keep the faith and keep us posted.
I can only think like my ex if I were in this situation. My ex did this to make sure I was removed from my kids:
1. Moved far away – all court hearings are in the same area as the kids
2. Refused all visitation – the longer you go without seeing them the harder it is to start visitation. Also, if the children are shown to be happy in a situation then the court are very reluctant to make changes. Remember it is the need and wants of the children which comes first.
3. Called the Police every time I cam to see the kids saying I was abusive – she only had to do this twice before I got the hint.
4. Contacted the CSA and made sure she had the Child benefit/child tax credits in her name only – this says you are the resident parent in the eyes of the government and entitles you to the benefits.If you have custody – then you are not fighting in court, you are defending her attempt. These are two different things. You are not in court for Custody as you already have it … but if you let off the gas then she will get the edge and you will lose. CAFCASS will always side with the mother and will always suggest that both parents should have visitation unless there is a police record (usually the dad) then they play blocker for fathers.
Gather your evidence and play the victim. The system is deigned to remove Dad from the kids lives – be strong, support yourself with facts and wait for her to crack!
In my case she got half of everything plus the house (and obviously maintenance too).
Danny,
You are in a tough spot. I have never done a Subpoena but isnt that just demanding she supply information to you through the court?… which may solve the issue as Evidence is everything. You did not keep any details of your transactions? But, at least you have the bank details, yes. You can possible ask for those from your bank. it may be easier to go that route than through court.
When you say frozen, you mean it has been taken or just held???? Getting money back from the CSA or your Ex is a real challenge. Which also begs the question of how they know your account details and that you must have received letters telling you of these debt? It takes the CSA/CMS lot of time to go through this process and usually do a deduction of earning first. So, check to make sure they have your up to date address and info.
The CSA/CMS has duty of care to ask the mother for the bank statements and for her to supply them – all this assumes that she is still using this account and you can show some evidence to say you have given her the money. Also, she has to accept this money as child support (this may be your next challenge).
It sounds like you had a Family Based Arrangement that stood during the time of Oct 2014 – 2018. What evidence do you have to show this as a factual agreement that can counter her claims.The CMS are quite thick and will stick to what the mums says until you can provide evidence to show different.
Contact me if you have issues with the CMS, but be mindful they are evil beyond compare and the law is designed to hurt children and women in the long term.
Darren,
email me when you get a chance and I can call you to go over this stuff. I am kinda confused with how many kids we are talking about and their ages. we can sort it and I am happy to give you advice going forward
Lee,
Court is the only option other than making an agreement with her. She holds all the cards at the moment…
Having been through 12 years (off and on) of court and having not seen my kids is 10 year – I suggest making a legal arrangement for you to see them for as much as she agrees now. Then start court action (after you sign an agreement) for more time with them. There is not right or wrong answer and this is just my opinion.
But, some say the longer you go without seeing your kids the less likely you are to see them. There is no connection between maintenance and visitation legally but both drive each other – so sort out the money issues with her and use it as a bargaining tool, if you can, if the CSA are not involved.
To start court you need to do mediation first, so you have already began the process.
Good luck dude!
Hey DKP,
I think you are right in assuming she is unaware of her strength. Keep it that way as long as you can.
Is this a court letter – normally the judge orders CAFCASS to act (well actually always)?My thoughts: Assuming she is UNAWARE of her power, the Court decision will depend on the current visitation arrangement and reasons for the change. If she is only sighting your mental health – then you should be ok. But, if she starts to get tough then the judge might cave. Every other weekend and a day in the week is the solicitor default setting for visitation. So, it seems odd that she has chosen something like that.
Is money and issue?In regards to the name change – this is something you can fight and fight hard! I never understand why they want this change until my ex did it and disappeared. She did not actually change their passports but they enrolled is schools and other things with her name. When every she was challenged she spouted out her made up stories of being a DV survivor. Funny system we have that encourages women to lie…
April 19, 2018 at 11:33 am in reply to: I have done what the court asked and now I feel I am in no mans land. #10169Email me and I can get it to you. [email protected]
I also did a C1A form for Harm and Violence – I sited Parental Alienation as abuse.
Wow, this is tough – I really hope time heals this as your ex will slowly learn that she can be as irrational as she wants and gets away with it. Is there a way to chat with her partner (long shot, I know) and say you are worried for the kids to not have a decent relationship with their dad? I will guess that he would probably want to stay out of it, if he knows what’s good for him?
It sounds like your ex is transferring her problems on to your daughter… this is worrying.
I don’t know what the answer is other than to behave yourself and don’t get too angry. The system is broken when the only option to see your kids is to start legal action, which everyone loses.
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This reply was modified 7 years ago by
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