[NHuntParticipant]

Hey EJB,

Welcome.
Well, my first thought was how old are the kids? And do they really mind a bit of driving and chatting with their dad?
either way it appears that you need to sort this with your ex. It would be a shame to start any legal action at this stage. You would almost certainly lose contact for a while if you started a court case – and outcomes are ALWAYS driven in the mums favour.

She does appear to be moving in the wrong direction but may not be easy to understand why or how to change it. Obviously, she wants to control you by using the kids but is that a bad thing for her to think that? In time the kids will get older as she gets more pathetic – you must never lose your bond with the kids. If they are in the teen years then there may be a good argument that they might not want to leave their mates and surroundings?

I assume you are paying her money? Maybe having her help you with hotels and other expenses because she is changing the arrangement? Did you happen to start a new or change your relationship with someone recently and it has got back to her through the kids? Small triggers can set off the mothers…

Munchausen by proxy is a strange one. even though it is well documented with significant evidence to suggest it is linked to divorce – our government would need 100% sure fire proof before anything happens. Anti-depressants and allergies are the usual go to ailments.

I don’t know what the answer is, except Court may hurt more than it may help.

[NHuntParticipant]

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c100-application-under-the-children-act-1989-for-a-child-arrangements-prohibited-steps-specific-issue-section-8-order-or-to-vary-or-discharge

Try that. It is not that hard. Just go page by page and be mindful about mediation, this may be the first step.

About your daughter: I have a similar situation with my daughters. Parental Alienation is a very horrible thing. Over time the resident parent (mothers) convince the children that the father is a bad person and because you don’t have any visitation, it is very easy for them to eventually believe it is their own feelings.

With PA, the child thinks they have already lost the father and are afraid to lose the mother if things change. Essentially, it means they are unsure of you and need time and visitation to stop the abuse. There is no answer other than seeing each other and talking.
My Daughter has just turned 16 and text me out of the blue to say hi. two text back and forth and it stopped again… I will be here when she replies to my letters, cards and texts again.

[NHuntParticipant]

Hey,

This is ultimately a good thing! Yes, CAFCASS is a not always correct in their assessments and often just chose the Mums side no matter what – because it is easiest and the hardest to prove anything against. But, because CAFCASS are now reviewing you and the children together, it is like you are in the Mums position. As good parent, you know what to do and obviously never speak of the mother unless asked by CAFCASS (BTW, mothers are allowed to bad moth the father when ever and where ever they like). Step parenting is very very difficult and not given enough respect – so good on ya!

In regards to a court order that cannot be broken: I have never heard of one. This is the reason for F4J – the mother can always just ignore the court and do what they like. Every solicitor and judge and court document and even the average person on the street makes it appear like a family court order is set in stone… it isn’t and these secret courts are ruining children’s lives and are abusive.

As a woman you far better placed to help this human right injustice. Thanks for joining and I hope you can help make positive change.

[NHuntParticipant]

Check the threads on here about representing your self.
You just need a few bucks and fill in the C100.

I am really sad to hear your daughter was scared of you… I hope you did not spook her too bad. this really makes me feel sick, same thing happened to me.

let me know if you need help.

[NHuntParticipant]

This sounds like kidnapping (well it would be if you did it). Good luck!!!

One shall never wonder why there is a gender gap in this country, as the laws are different for women.

[NHuntParticipant]

Darren,
I hope I got this right.
You want to stop your ex from taking your son away for a holiday. There are steps you can take to stop this but it is time consuming and probably unlikely you can stop it before it happens. Giving her residency also gives her the right to take the child on holiday. If she does not have residency and you have no visitation agreement (written or verbal), then you could have more options.
I assume you made arrangements for you to have the boy for a week or more during the school holidays? It is in this time that that you can take him away yourself.

Ex wives are allowed and encouraged to be evil by the system currently in place.

But one question: is she does have a personality disorder, why did you give her custody?

[NHuntParticipant]

Its not that hard. Google for C100 guidance and I am happy to share mine with you if you need it.

Let me know. don’t be scared of court or the documents. Once you get this rolling you can just write letters to the court.

[NHuntParticipant]

Vish,

My concern is that you are leaving her to start court???? not sure why she would do that – when it is just a lot easier for her to give you access then start court against herself? Very curious and perhaps just a turn of phrase?
Anyway, about your questions:

Yes, travel is not an issue for you as long as you maintain your visitation and court appearances. Travelling back and forth is not an issue and nobody needs to know about it. But, don’t expect any paperwork or legal documents to be sent out of the country, it just wont happen unless she does it for you or you pay a solicitor to do it for you.

Yes, traveling between sessions is fine – it may not be a good idea to make these trips known. There is nothing illegal about caring for your family abroad. But, any typical evil ex wife will want to control your movement by using the kids. So I suggest not making the trips available knowledge.

The court does not need to know where you are if this is only for visitation. As long as you don’t miss any dates with your kids – you can do what you like in regards to travel. Many fathers work abroad and fly in for weekends to see your kids.

Please don’t assume that the judge’s decision is final. It is your ex wife’s final say that matters.

Good luck!!! And remember to smile when you are with your kids.

[NHuntParticipant]

Signed!
April 25th is Parental Alienation Day – does anyone know of any thing going on to raise awareness?

[NHuntParticipant]

Represent yourself is my advice. Filing the C100 is not that hard and you will be happier knowing your in control of the next steps. Save your money and frustration and act on your own. there are a million topics on here saying how badly they were represented.
The CSA is evil and so is the mother of your children.

[NHuntParticipant]

If you have custody then you are ALWAYS eligible for the CMS and some form or child credits (even if it is a zero calculation). Call them ASAP and open a case!!! The whole benefits structure works on the DWP set up – the CMS and benefits offices are part of the DWP. Lock yourself in as the resident parent with both of them and she will find it very hard to get benefits!!!

My suggestion is to represent yourself in Family Court and there is significant evidence to suggest anything else will help the mother. Remember Family Court and Divorce court are not the same thing… if you have to have a solicitor for family court perhaps a different one from your money solicitor. Don’t cloud the thinking – they are separate things!

[NHuntParticipant]

This is a tough spot. Each Family Court has its own rules without appeal. THE SYSTEM IS BROKEN!!!!! errrrg it makes me so angry to hear your story! Im so sorry for you. What area is this – maybe someone on the site has experience.

I had a similar thing many years ago and I submitted a C1A – Harm and Violence form to CAFCASS and the Court. I sighted parental alienation as a harmful act by the mother.

Happy to email you a copy if you contact me [email protected]

[NHuntParticipant]

There is a lot here. I cant seem to understand how you had custody and then you suddenly didn’t??? This sounds like a perverse law indeed. If you had custody, then she kidnapped your daughter?

Either way, you are where you are and I am sorry to hear this story. let me see if I can give my opinion and answer your questions.

I don’t think the situation is going to change, other than your daughter is getting older and her wises and feelings will matter. Try and record your daughters feeling about missing you – hopefully social services will step in – dont be afraid to be harsh against your ex. it was your kindness that landed you in this situation.

The Family court will probably not take away your daughter if you have a schedule for visitation. It is your ex who will be able to do that… the arrest I not a big deal if you don’t tell anyone about it. It is a small thing that is not really relevant to anything. Ignore it as it may never be revealed.

The Police will eventually issue her with a warning about the false allegations – the family court judge may have to accept all allegations as fact. But, once the police issue the warning, you can use it forever with the judge to discredit her allegations. I assume you have complained to the police? Let he hang herself over this and try to ignore it as best you can. Oh, and keep yourself clean.

The Bi-polar is a different issue. Many people maintain parenting even with a disorder… are there any independent people, you know, who can all Social Services or NSPCC to report your ex. Rally the troops to get custody if you have to.

Fight for custody and not just visitation. you will have a better chance going for the whole thing than dancing around small orders over and over again. After all, You DID have custody and she kidnapped them.

[NHuntParticipant]

Willem,
To answer your question: YES there are thousands (perhaps 100s of thousands) of men who are going through the same thing.

The only rambling advice I can really give at this stage is:
Don’t trust ANY solicitor. You don’t need one and don’t offer anything to your ex’s solicitor unless a judge demands it. Solicitors are one of the reasons the system is broken
CAFCASS will only repeat what the mum says and even if they agree with you, this does not mean anything as the judge will make their recommendation.

There is no justice in the family court – the mum can just say NO to any order and you have to go through timely hoops to rectify it. Don’t put all your hopes on court to solve anything and reversely don’t think that a crazy allegation by your ex actually means anything long term. The Court is only be there to prolong the pain and eventually leave you and your child to deal with its ruling.

Never lose contact with your child in hope of holding out for more visitation. If you refuse visitation then you might as well give up. The system is horrible and at times will make you wonder why you are alive.

Remember to smile when ever you are with your child! Never let them see you angry and do not drink in front of them.

If you can negotiate with your ex do it – try now to establish a simple dialog that you can later grow if needed.

Let me know if you need to chat – there are a few of us who can make time for a brother.

[NHuntParticipant]

Most courts make you do mediation first as a matter of course … contact your local mediation centre.

You need to get MIAM to sign page 19 of the application (or at least is was when I last did it.)

[Author]

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