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Hey. Keep your chin up.
Who advised it was going to be tricky because of contact being so infrequent? I think it is tricky even when you have contact…Here is some good news – your oldest is of an age that he can tell the courts exactly what he wants. Get the court to speak with him and quote parental alienation. I did the same thing after 7 years and I regained some sort of contact. Don’t wait!
Hopefully the oldest will start some sort of dialog and the others will start to follow. remember they will be come adults and you need to do what ever you can to see them now, so they remember you and hopefully they start to see the truth.
good luck and let me know if you need to chat through this…
Well Deano, there is not much you can do other than start court actin and hope she responds. The Court can make actions to find her… be resourceful and try and make contact with Brookes school.
Always represent yourself and just try to carry on as best you can. Its been over 9 years for me and I still have hope. Social Media is a remarkable thing that happens when they get older…
Sadly, there is answer to this complete injustice.http://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/abduction/
The laws on abduction are pretty straight forward, unless it has already happened. Act now… and deal with the stalking thing separately. In the eyes of the law they are two separate things. Ex-wives are really good at using one to control the other but they are actually not attached legally.
Also, as a cynical response. Is there an order that says you cant see you kids? You can just take them … you are the dad and she has said she wants to leave the country. You have parental responsibility and are within your rights to protect your UK Citizen children. She would have to take you to court to have visitation… that is unless there is a provision that says you cannot see your kids.
You were found guilty twice of vandalism? Dude, this is truly double trouble…
My advice would be to brace yourself for the worst with the 2 year old and try your best to make mates with the 10 year old. If the 10 year old has told CAFCASS he doesn’t want to see you then you have an up hill battle. But, young people can change their minds sometimes and lets hope he tries to contact you or you can find him on social media.
Contest all Non-Mols – Don’t put your head in the sand! And always represent yourself!
Hey Rich,
Your in a tough spot with both the visitation and the CMS. I have totally rambled with my response… sorry.
CMS: The law says you have to pay – and there is a grey area between Family Based Arrangement and CMS. With the FBA your ex can simply claim she is not getting a fair amount and wants it looked at again. You may be in a bargaining position here if she needs money. She is clearly using the kids as weapons against you and has been slowly using their age to manipulate them against you. The less you see the kids the more you pay (that’s the law). It is a good thing you are not paying her anything! Try and make a new family based arrangement without letting her know how much she can get from the CMS. Do you have a chance to become a limited company and hide the cash, this would be a big advantage for you. Your ex is probably going to use money against you and your kids. You need to try and make a new plan for her that will work! You cant hide from the CMS unless you are a limited company so look at this closely. If the CMS decide you owe money it will be from the day she called them. Keep all records of payments and make thing VERY clear to them from the start. The CMS are as evil and your ex.
Family Court: Definitely go to court and represent yourself. But, this is a symbol more than anything. It will take you 6 months to things rolling after attempting mediation and correspondence. Also, your son is at the age that his “wishes and feelings” will be taking into account. This means you can start court, only to have your son tell the judge he doesn’t want to see you.
Parental Alienation Syndrome: It is a common tactic by evil mothers and there is little you can do to stop it other than be the best dad possible and weather the storm. It is a slippery slope and there is not scientific answer to give you. Courts consider it junk science and even if you did have a judge who believed it was happening, they are almost powerless to stop it.
Perhaps you suggest your son brings a mate with him. He is older than before and friends are important to them. You are forever and his mates are just for now. This is the only personal advice I can give other than the other ramblings.
It is hard to give any advice other than settle all disagreements with your ex and move forward. Any child protection service, CAFCASS and the like are useless and should not be taken seriously. If your ex wanted you to see the kids she could simply let you… what order is in place exactly? or is it just guidance? If you are waiting for a plan then it sounds like there is no order???
It could be a very long time for anything to happen if you are waiting for an order or for CPS to care about as the father.
Sadly, your ex will probably get off very lightly for her GBH but pursue it seriously as you will need it later.September 29, 2017 at 7:12 am in reply to: Finally seeing my kids after 2 years 8 months of pretty much hell. #9142Let me know if you need outside help – she is famous now. Also, your sons may be old enough to have their own say in court. Not sure exactly how it works in Scotland but in England 13/14 is about right depending on their maturity.
If you think they may want to live with you then you can make that happen legally without guilt or worry about their wellbeing.Keep us posted and good luck!
September 29, 2017 at 6:59 am in reply to: Fathers Rights for my son conceived through Egg Donation after Separation #9141Kevin,
As best I know the laws are the same as the rest of us. She carried the baby, then she is the mother – don’t think there is much you can do to change that.
You need to be able to speak with her to avoid court. But, like almost everyone one here, court is the only option we have in the UK to gain visitation.There is loads of guidance on this site for getting started and people on this forum can help to!
September 28, 2017 at 11:42 am in reply to: Finally seeing my kids after 2 years 8 months of pretty much hell. #9138Would you like me to raise it with social services as objector after reading the article? I will…
It is an absolute disgrace!
Sounds like you are talking about financial and family issues – be careful as they are not related. You ex is clearly following the normal bitch pattern and you need to grin and bare it for now.
She will use the kids to get you to agree to all kinds of crazy stuff. There is not much info here but you would normally have to share all assets in a divorce (which mean she gets the house and everything else). Don’t mistake financial discussions as child visitation agreements. She can lie, take all the cash and NEVER have to observe any visitation agreement.
You can beat the NMO but it takes time. CAFCASS are a sham and don’t let it get you down as they will always side with the mum if the kids appear fine.
More info would help us to help you.
Lee, it is not fair! But it is the way it is.
Go to court and represent yourself – the solicitor will give you dodgy advice and at bets will only repeat what you have already said. You need to use the house as your bargaining tool (your only bargaining tool).
I gave my ex everything with the same promise and it made no difference in the end – I have still not seen my kids. There is not law that says she HAS to let you see them , or for them to see you. You have to get out of the house situation as the priority if you want your financial freedom – but at the same time you cannot just give it away to her after idol threats. Even if you give her everything she can still deny access and then contact the CSA/CMS for more money. The house is the only hold you have – but, if it is a large financial burden for you then you need to have a good look at the whole deal with open eyes. Only you know the costs and issues with the property.
F4J strongly suggests to settle all financial issues prior to discussing the kids as mums will use the kids as bait to blackmail you into destroying your life. The mum will always have he legal right to maintenance no matter what happens (unless there is shared parenting).Bad mothers use money to hurt the kids and it is all within the law. Its not fair and that is the entire reason we are all here on this forum.
There must be a reason the solicitor has suggested you just give her everything?
Hey,
Have you started court – if not, don’t just jump to get a solicitor before you do some research first?
I am not sure what you mean by “its official and i will receive documents in few days”. Is it her solicitor who is just making decision for you?Either way, do not expect social services to give you any help. they are useless and will agree with the mum and will more than likely only separate you from your kid. Court will help get you needed information as the responsible parent but is not end all be all. Only she can make the final decision on visitation.
Are you paying maintenance? Sometimes money discussion go a long way in settling visitation issues too.
This is all too familiar to all of us on the site. The system leads the mother to restrict contact and soon they figure out there is little or no punishment.
I suggest you don’t cancel the mediation but maybe choose another way to communicate with the mum. You can and should contact the court ASAP as soon as any order is breached… You can ask to add a penal notice and enforce the judgement. All of these are the legal way to approach the situation. But sadly, your ex may soon find out that the court may never actually enforce anything, no matter what the documents say. It is also curious that she has reduced visitation to drop you to a different CSA/CMS payment banding too… Hmmmm sounds like she is starting to figure out system.I strongly suggest making peace with your ex and don’t assume the court will sort her out – because it wont. Once she discovers the court is impotent then things could get worse for you.
You need to all that you can to keep a meaningful relationship with your son!
Is there even a first step? One might assume it would be advantageous to start with a e local court action and not the HM Courts & Tribunals Service as a whole?
Just a thought here – I hold an American passport: perhaps a few of us get together and start litigation in the US courts? Or am I dreaming?Well, this is an art and not a science. My ex called the police and accused me of something to get me arrested, leaving the kids with her and made me pay for the house she lives in.
As a responsible parent you have the right to protect your son. Which would probably mean you leaving with him but it sounds like you have already made an agreement with her.The parent who lives with the kids is the resident parent and there are many ways to get to that point. You do NOT need a court order to be the resident parent and you do not need her approval. But, you do need make sure you protect yourself by videoing and recoding as much as you can. Prepare yourself for the worst.
Aso, don’t just pay for things because she says so – you will be setting a precedence for the rest of your sons life.
There are legal things you can do (they take time and money) but if she just leaves with your son then it will be long up hill battle for you to get visitation unless she is reasonable about it.sorry I could not give better advice. Perhaps someone has more specific legal information on how to stop her…
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