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Hey,
The system sucks. That is why this organisation exists… there is no real organisation that protects children with a semi-conscious parent. There are SO many bad mothers in Britain that the Social Service’s dance card is full. It is the best reason for fathers rights !!!!You daughter is older now and she will have her say so. A recording of the incident would make a huge difference to the judge and CAFCASS – but as it stands it is your ex that holds the key. Even if you get court order something your ex can still say no, it is your daughter that will one day be old enough to make her own mind up.
Convincing evidence that your daughter is afraid of her mum and needs you for protection would be very valuable evidence indeed!!!! I fear that without video you should not bring it up – she will say you started it and then you will have to answer her allegations. Remember that she does not need evidence against you but you will need to against her.
Your daughter is your first concern and if she is in trouble then you need to act. always smile when you see her and never let her think this is her fault.
There is no solution for the contact situation other than to try and get along with your ex. She is obviously enjoying the circus of ruining your routine and even sounds like she knows she can disrupt your life when ever she feels like it. I don’t think court will make it any better for you but it is the only option other than making an agreement.
Do you pay maintenance? This can be a good tool for visitation as evil single mothers can be bought.
September 20, 2017 at 12:13 pm in reply to: Finally seeing my kids after 2 years 8 months of pretty much hell. #9087This story just gets better and better. Do we laugh or cry?
Your daughter is safe and happy – good on ya mate!!!!!!
September 20, 2017 at 10:30 am in reply to: Finally seeing my kids after 2 years 8 months of pretty much hell. #9081“grabbed her by the neck and bit her on the face”
And no jail time? I don’t seem to see any news on her ridiculous sentence. typical.September 20, 2017 at 10:24 am in reply to: Finally seeing my kids after 2 years 8 months of pretty much hell. #9080Holy shit. This is good news but yet so sad. I really hope your daughter is ok and is mending!
Can even imagine that the other kids live with her still… God, I hope she doesn’t hurt the boys. They are probably the only reason she avoided jail.
Our system is so broken!
Hello. This is so sad and I am sorry to hear about it. Here is what I would do – two choices that I can see with the information given.
Forget NSPCC and Social Services – they are idiots focussed on politics, refugee trafficking and covering their arses. Both organisations hide behind probable cause and police intervention. Even then they make the wrong decision to protect the mother.
The law says the child “feelings and wishes” are of most concern. I strongly suggest either:
1) Go to court to demanding the judge/CAFCASS speak with your 12 year old daughter. She is just about old enough to have her voice heard! You don’t need a solicitor and the court fees can be waived if you can prove you cant pay (there are some good forum topics on this – also we can help if needed). The judge, with your evidence and strong suspicion, will probably/possibly order CAFCASS to make a house visit. My children were asked to speak with the judge directly because they offered. You never know what kids will say – but if she is truly scared, then this will be revealed somewhere.
2) Try and make contact with your daughter directly being very carful to not get her in trouble with her mum. At the age of 14 (or there abouts – depending on maturity) your daughter is considered old enough in the eyes of the court to make the decision on who she wants to live with. If she says she is scared and wants to live with you (and you can prove it) you would have the right to act on your child’s “wishes and feelings” and act accordingly.As a side note. Be very sure to video every interaction you have with your ex if possible. You will be thankful you did as everything is evidence based with the family courts if your the father. The mum can make things up willy-nilly and without evidence or cause – be careful.
The mother does not have the automatic right to take your son – but it is assumed in society that the mother takes the kids and dads fight to see them. In actual law, either parent can become the resident parent but I would consider there needs to be a good reason for the father to take the child (ie evidence that the mother is a bad parent). I think you just about have that.
What I was saying is: once she leaves with your son, you are screwed because she is then the resident parent and you will have to start court to see your kids and beholden to her rules! Mothers have no worries about leaving with the kids – perhaps you have the same rights? She would have to fight for custody against you. Don’t just assume that the child is just hers…
I am no suggesting you take your son and go or refuse to let your son leave – but once a single parent is established as the resident parent then there must be an agreement for visitation in place. The resident parent is ALWAYS in the drivers seat.
The CSA/CMS recognises the parent who get the child tax credits as the resident parent – sometimes regardless of who the child actually lives with.
Cool! I am really please you and your daughter did not have to go through what all the rest of us have. Keep strong and patient and as time goes buy your daughter wont even know how close she was to losing you. Nobody ever believes the system is this bad until it happens to them (then its too late)…
Also, remember to smile when ever you are with your daughter – one thing I didn’t do.
Gilbert,
The system is not good and sadly teaches parents how to lie to get what they want. I strongly suggest you try and speak to your ex and make an agreement. Court can make a ruling but your ex can simply ignore it. He may not ignore it – who knows? But, sometimes rocking the boat without notice can cause her to stop visitation altogether.
Court may work for you as you are the only person who knows how your ex operates. Nobody knows how the courts may rule so there is no advice on that front other than try to avoid it.Not sure how you possibly thought the courts are more pro-father than ever? Not in my experience because the mother can just ignore an order without repercussions.
Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes. Lets hope she go the false allegations route.
This sounds all good. If you did not attend court than the judge will probably close the case and CAFCASS disappear. SS are useless anyway, so just let them do F*ck all and go away.
Nice work in doing what was best for the kid. Can your ex give my ex a call and help me out?? lol
This post is hard to understand but I think your saying that your daughter needs medical attention that only the mother can assist with?
I suggest you either get a copy of the note to give to social services and push it with them – or take her during the week to the GP.
Social Services are a mess with no accountability. You can never expect this organisation to respect a fathers ability to parent or make decisions for the child. IF your daughter is in physical trouble then you need to act directly. Just my opinion.Eagle,
We are ALL pat of F4J to help change the existing laws and help & guidance is all that we can give as there is no silver bullet.You are in a tough position. The assumption that your ex will just take custody is the what had to be challenged. Mediation should be for visitation after you have agreed who has custody and not for a custody battle. But anything is possible.
If she is living with you and the child then you have custody with her. If she moves out with the kid then you now begin your uphill battle for visitation. Mediation is the first expensive step.
Do you really have worries that she cannot parent and your son may be in danger or threat? You have the right as a concerned parent to protect your son. F4J challenges the norm that the mother automatically assumes owner of children and is then allowed to dictate everything about the child and manipulate the system to destroy the father.
In simple terms: If your son leaves and lives with the mother you will lonely be able to see your son when she says so.
Rathe,
Remember that this is about your son and not about you and your ex.
What ever you do just keep that in mind. If there is no agreement, then you need to make one… the direct approach is something I admire but take a deep breathe and get your ducks in a row before you start stripping children away from their mother. The rules are different for dads and you need to make sure the probable cause is water tight.Best of luck!
The financial settlement and the CMS/CSA are not connected in any way! You could make a consent order with your ex and any mention of CSA/CMS would only be valid for 12 months. Your solicitor will know this.
How are you being ‘fined’ non-payment. Did they remove you from direct pay because of late payment???
There shouldn’t be any extra fees to enforce the judgement (unless you are using a solicitor). All you can do is take it back to court… lets hope your ex doesn’t slowly figure out that the court order doesn’t actually mean anything.
Try your best now to reach out to your son further on the phone when you speak – not sure if that is possible but it sounds like you ex will make this more and more difficult. She will also start to learn that she can cost you money every time she breaks the order. Don’t get stuck into that game.
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