[NHuntParticipant]

This always happens when there are assets and the financials have not been decided yet. She is doing all the thinks Gingerbread and Mum.org tell her to do. Take the kids squat in the house and plead poverty. Next step might be harassment when you ask to see the kids. She will know that the CMS have more powers than the High Court and Queen put together.

Your kids are old enough to already have an opinion of you both, so you are actually in better shame than most on the forum. remember to smile when you are with your kids even though she is winning every stage.

It does sound like your ex and my ex have the same guidance counsellor.

[NHuntParticipant]

Only just got this… I live in MK and work within walking distance of the Courts and CAFCASS office. What is the best way to reach out to more of the organisation and really give it something?

My CAFCASS office was in Lincoln – I think the head office in London is the place.

I have never met Matt but I think its time we did something instead of waiting for splinter groups to ruin it.

[NHuntParticipant]

Amen to your story. It’s like Deja Vu… I have got to say you have managed to write a very articulate version of events during a huge struggle to maintain. All of us have something huge in common and your story is remarkable close to my own and many others on this site.
This is all about money – and she will make you out to be the greedy one if you don’t cough up the cash. One day, when all of use get together we can really expose this system and build a more reliable and progressive structure like those in Northern Europe. I would even take the American pay Per View scheme. If I am going to pay £600 a month at least I can have a relationship with my kids. In the UK you Pay and Pray.

Good luck with court and remember to ALWAYS smile when you are with your son. He will remember you for it. This was one thing I failed to do with my daughters over 9 years ago, the last time I saw them.

[NHuntParticipant]

If you can use the solicitor to get things started for you with the courts and set up the first hearings, this would be good. They will start at every other weekend and a day over the week. This is the solicitor template for Dads. if mum says NO, and she might, then you might as well represent yourself. Your ex will write directly to the solicitor and it may take a bit of time for you the info. In my case, my ex would right a letter to the solicitor on Friday saying I cannot have visitation on the Sunday. The Solicitor would open the letter on Monday, read it on Tuesday and contact me on the following Friday. Then when in court my Ex would say she gave notice to the other side before the Sunday.

You don’t need to contact her or tell her that you are going to court. You will have to start with Mediation first and she will be notified of this meeting (this will cost you). She does not have to attend the mediation, in which case Court is the next step. There is plenty of guidance on what to expect at court from this forum. Get well acquainted with possible outcomes and good luck!

She is the resident parent and can act as she wants really. Spain is an easy holiday that you cannot stop – actually anywhere in the world for less than 30 days , you cant protest. They system is broken.

[NHuntParticipant]

Hey,
Will be 10 year in December for me (but saw my oldest daughter from across the room in March for 20 min).
I did the same thing and took my chances. Three years ago – after 4 years of inactivity with court I returned. Guess what – nothing changed. I had been able to communicate with them by letter and got a few messages on FB (now blocked) but never lasted longer than a day. I still send letters every three months, as ordered by the court.
My daughters eventually spoke with the judge directly and said they would contact me when they are ready. It appears the many years away sealed the deal. Mums hate is stronger than anything else is the world and my daughters hate me and don’t even know why. Lie you there was no abuse, safeguarding, social services or anything else. And I am not even the first Dad she has done this to. #Skilledbitch
BTW, my CSA payments are still up to date.

I admire your thoughts to give up. I did the same thing … but you must create some why to keep contact. I built a website in their honour to let them know I was here. Sadly, this was used against me when they googled their own name in class project and my site came up.
Apparently, CAFCASS thought it was rude to assume my daughters wanted to see me. No that CAFCASS has any effect on what Mum wants.

Walk away but don’t go far is my advice. Power to you mate! Good luck…

[NHuntParticipant]

Hey Lisalou,
This is a very typical situation for many people (me included). First thing I would do is fire your Family Solicitor and use the money for the financial hearings, they are going to be tough. Why people hire solicitors for family court always baffles me… they all argue the same thing with the same result at your expense.

If she has the child she will always be entitled to the CSA, that wont ever go away, with or without visitation. It is also a very risky situation as they are still legally married. This means all possessions are each others and everything he owns she also owns, like the house and the belongings. Be careful.

Good luck. As a woman you have a greater advantage to change the laws and protect children. Please try and help all of us by helping your son. Poor mothering is key reason for societal breakdown.

[NHuntParticipant]

I assume this is family court? If you are eligible for legal aid then I recommend you use a solicitor but be VERY vigilant and involved to make sure they do not lead you up the wrong path. If this is financial, then defo use a solicitor.

Find out all you can about the strange payback schemes legal aid have. Just a concern but not a huge issue. Just my opinion.

[NHuntParticipant]

There is a lot to read here… not sure where to start.

Ready when you are to expose these f*ckers.

[NHuntParticipant]

Rathe,
The DV card is a tough one to beat – even if it isn’t true. We are all guilty before we even step into court.

[NHuntParticipant]

Here is my experience, not that it will be yours but just in case.
Once you leave the marital home it becomes your ex’s but you still officially own 50% of ALL net worth (ie: the equity). So, this means that everything can be valued and half this amount is yours. Except: if she needs the house for any reason, like the kids or to be able to maintain her standard of living for them. it may get sticky over how you get your money if she stays in the property while the child grows up. There a couple options your lawyer can help with.

A lot of this depends on what stage you are in with your divorce. If you are still legally married then everything you own is hers and vice versa. If you left the house and are still married, you could conceivably kiss all the stuff goodbye if she chose to sell it. As it is half hers, she can legally do it – mind you it would take a horrible human being, like my Ex, to do that. She could even come to your house and take all your stuff if she truly wanted by the letter of the law. Lawyers will tell you different but they are wrong – because it happens.

Make a plan to get all your things with your EX asap and then you wont have any issues down the road. be mindful that this might be a tough thing to do and it may be best to bring someone your ex likes with you. I was accused of all kinds of stuff when I came to get my things. I later just paid for removals guys to show up and she did it all in my absence (btw, my ex actually put all her unwanted things with it)
Moving back in is situation unique to every separation. Once you have moved out and this is acknowledged then it is now assumed to be her house in waiting (if this makes sense). Women have many tricks up their sleeves to keep you away from the house like abuse claims and violence and harassment. As a man you would never get away with that but that is what it is.

Follow your solicitors guidance for all of this. I would represent myself for visitation – these are NOT the same thing and do not confuse them.

[NHuntParticipant]

Pauly,
I have not really coped to well actually. I went through about a 5 year phase of disbelief and then more recently through a phase of anger. When my oldest daughter messaged me to say she hated me for what I did to her mum, I realised my daughters poisoning was complete.
Your daughters are MUCH older than mine were and I think you are in a better position. Keep as much contact as you can and always smile when you see them. As they grow older they will have a happy memory of you and one day you can start again for real without the mothers interventions.
I also strongly recommend representing yourself once you have the first hearing. It can be expensive to lose contact with your kids, financially and emotionally.

keep us posted.

[NHuntParticipant]

Motty,

I laughed and cried while reading this. So sad but you seem to have kept your sense of humour.

There are a load of resources on this forum about stating court action and what you can and cant do. But let me start you off with this…
This new guy appears to be a fleeting fancy and may not be around for ever – so keep as much contact with your daughter as you can and always smile when your with her. Your ex is like an angry teenager at the moment, everything you do to try and prevent her having a relationship will backfire (ie the more you try to stop them the less you see your daughter).
Because she has residency she can do what every she likes with the child in regards to moving schools and homes and the like. The law is shocking but you cant change it.
Mediation is the first step to going to court and I suggest you do that. You DONT need a solicitor and CAN represent yourself with great effect. Even if she has a solicitor you can still have an effective result.

All this being said: it is still up to your ex to decide how much visitation you get. Once you and your ex made the decision for your daughter to live with her you were cooked.

I suggest you play it very cool and be as welcoming as you can to the new situation. Continue with court and representing yourself, let your ex’s new relationship self destruct and be ready to play perfect Dad when the situation arises. Once the money comes into play this may all change again (finances/CMS changes everything).

keep your chin up!

[NHuntParticipant]

Nick,
being sectioned is not helpful but it all depends on your ex. The court will want to see evidence of your wellbeing but it will all come down to your ex’s decision in the end. take care and be strong… don’t give up.

o0o,
I used video to just in case I was accused of something I did not do. I used it with the police to great effect – it actually saved me from being arrested after her false allegation. Also, Solicitors may not want you to have evidence or an actual account of what happened because they can argue it for £125/hr. Also, they are very weary of clients recording them…

[NHuntParticipant]

Have you got the CAFCASS Report yet? This seems really odd almost like its a sitcom style misunderstanding! Your ex and you have made an agreement and that doesn’t work for CAFCASS? I hate CAFCASS – they are a true evil.

Another train of thought is… if you and your ex agree, then you don’t need court. if the report is not filed then it has no weight.
Why do you think that SS need to be involved – CAFCASS must have seen something wrong with BOTH of you? (I am not saying there is, just asking what you think it is)

[NHuntParticipant]

Result.
Good luck mate! Do you think a woman judge make a difference? I have never had one but once.

Let hope your ex follows the courts decision and plays ball. This is tremendous news! Your sons don’t even know what luck they have had …

[Author]

Posts